with Sri Ganesh
- 27-01-10:
… Arriving here this morning, we find that the clearing crew has continued in our absence and taken down what was left of the Belwam tree and most of the very high and majestic Ashoka tree; they also left a valve half-opened and the tank is nearly empty; the garden behind the shrine is like a battlefield, with the new line still coiled on the ground amid the broken and torn branches…
We just clear the way around the shrine… We both are very upset…
… I also had a very bad night again; lately I have been feeling that I have cheated all my life, have been arrogant and pretentious and have, in fact, reached nowhere and understood nothing and developed no capacity whatsoever, not even the most basic and fundamental capacity required for a true inner life… For the first time actually I am experiencing a kind of fear – it is almost a terror – of going insane, of getting trapped on the wrong side of a very thin border… And yet this is the very border which, since childhood, I have aspired to demystify, the very illusion I have aspired to undo…! But here and now, there is hardly anything left of that aspiration, in the face of the cruelty of the forces that command these areas… I do not know what to do; where to turn, how to turn, or even if it is at all justified for this individual to seek any help…!
I do a long puja today, singing quietly…
… Parthy went and disposed of more waste, for which he got, and offered Rs. 25/- to Sri Ganesh…!
Sri Ganesh, today You seem to be simply seated, Very quietly – Your regal attire and adornments In a rich, peaceful compassion, Convey The continuity of the Power
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