journal d'une transition

839

the electrification and with Piero for possible solutions that may cancel his objections… And after that we’ll have to get back to Roger A with clear proposals… Up until now it seems to make sense and there is a thread… Help me, Douce Mère, to follow it truly…

*31-3-1989, Auroville: There is some resistance in the atmosphere. Obviously the fact that people know I am committing to the work on the 4 pillars is acting like a virtual nest of misunderstandings ready to take flight…! But I also feel there is the necessary protection. … I like the morning work; and the Pressure is there and that makes me profoundly happy. In human terms, though, I either feel blank or almost painfully bored by… whatever it is that constitutes this human, social existence… As I grow, you become more and more beautiful and true and creative, Douce Mère, creative of the One condition of existence that alone can fulfil and justify all that has been… … I wasn’t well tuned this evening; even at the Samadhi I couldn’t concentrate well; I didn’t feel the Presence there particularly, and I was almost irritated or annoyed with this perpetual ritual of devotion around so-called “death” – that is, when it is safe to merely adore, and one isn’t required or challenged into living commitment… It is Your Life I want; it is That, tangible, the One…

*1-4-1989, Auroville: Without That, this life and this world are a farcical waste and an absurdity. Without That, time is swallowed, the body ages and nothing bears the fruit; there is no becoming, but only a fragmented, tedious, clumsy, endless evolution…

*2-4-1989, Auroville: I am done. The house is in order, everything ready for both Su and JYL to move in. The laundry is on the line. The body is fairly clean. The dinner is cooking for Su and me. I had a relaxing moment mid-morning, when N came to me, for a sweet and gentle “farewell’ meeting, as we won’t be able to meet for a month or so, with the house full…! And earlier, at breakfast, Lila came; this was supposed to be a surprise, concocted by Su and her, that she would come of a morning and sing a song for me; but I had found out and not liked the idea of it, although Lila is dear to me and most welcome; the thing had the undertone that one must have “fun” and not be too serious in life, etc… But I already find Auroville much damaged by this very snug humanity; and so Lila had to be content with just having tea with us. Then this was followed by Barbara’s visit and her pouring out all her resentment and distress at the way things are moving in Auroville – commercialising even the services of the collective… And then Coni came, to talk to me about a project she has of turning Krishna’s old house, of which he has given her the key, into a children’ centre… This is alright with me but we do not have enough water and she might have to see about drilling another well…