journal d'une transition

838

*25-3-1989, Auroville: I had a long quiet walk on the beach. Sometimes there is a surge of pure enthusiasm, because It is, because of the Gift of Awareness, in which all mental and emotional conceptions of the Divine happily drop and melt away and remains only the sense of an infinite, limitless Possibility… … At Matrimandir, LN seems to have decided to team up with me; I don’t mind, I think I can work with anybody there, for the time being. I am more exposed to the general atmosphere of Auroville these days, to what people think, to their movements and little choices in life, and… it isn’t a very supportive atmosphere: it is rather grey and hollow, and a little sad, in spite of all the show of social “fun”… *27-3-1989, Auroville: This has been a charged day, but I am learning. At every point one must check for resurgences of ego, but I learn not to do it negatively, but to place it before the growth of the “vrai regard”, the “true position”… One feels supported then, and what was felt as impossibilities begins to appear as mere absurdities, irrelevant inconsistencies; at the same time the necessity is even more imperative to be at peace – a sort of neutral, blank, attuned immobility… … O Mother, make this awareness safe, secure and solid… This is so beautiful, this is the way…! … Within the present play of forces, reactions and formations at Matrimandir, I have felt it was necessary and only fair to try and open the communication with Piero regarding all the work and particularly the work on the pillars; I approached him this morning and we met for over an hour; I feel a drive to make myself available for a breakthrough in the present situation – mainly between Roger A and Piero – so that the spirit of Matrimandir itself may indicate how it all must be done, materially… And the pillars are logically the starting-point… *28-3-1989, Auroville: After the work at Janet’s this evening I went back to Matrimandir to meet with Arjun; he’d asked for a talk about the situation and the work; he wants me very much to start the work on the pillars, regardless of Piero’s response to it; after a while Toine joined in, and we shared a long, honest conversation of about two hours; I better see the actual situation now, with its entrenchments, and the more I see of it, the more absurd it appears to me… Please, keep me secure, Mother! … I actually enjoy the work in the Chamber now, and LN seems to have adopted me; I still have qualms and misgivings, though, about trying to complete the Chamber when the rest of the sphere is still so far from completion; and therefore I must do my best and find the courage and the support to also start the work on the 4 pillars… Show me, make the way…! *30-3-1989, Auroville: I had a three-hour session with Catherine this evening on the work of the pillars, with all the drawings and calculations, seeing details and various possibilities in relation to other elements of Roger A’s plan… We studied on the structure, by the structure and later, at dark, in the office, and so far solutions that are synthetic and harmonious seem to emerge from the very physicality of Matrimandir; I find Catherine to be open and attentive… The next steps will be to check with Toine for