journal d'une transition

840

*3-4-1989, Auroville: I am rather taken up by Matrimandir again. The work of completing the 4 pillars is a thread to resolve the entire outer material truth of it, midst all the positions assumed by all those concerned: the factions, the opinions, the formations and the reactions; at times I feel I am drowning in it, and I have to edge back towards a direct and simple contact with the material reality and integrity of Matrimandir, with its requirements; and on that level it seems to move well enough. The next work to be done, and the one after that, becomes fairly evident. But the issues that divide people there tend to neutralise every attempt to be open and willing. And then, personally, I don’t quite know how to manage. The work in the Chamber feels right for me, at this point; it has the type of concentration that can best help me. But I also have the impression that, if I am clear on my commitment to the entire structure of Matrimandir, then I should perhaps give up attachment to the very quietness I find in the Chamber… … This morning Arjun arranged a meeting in the office with Toine and Catherine; with Toine it was alright, as he agreed to adapt the electrification work to the new possibilities we have elaborated; but Arjun seems to be clinging to the division with Piero, and insists that I shall reach nowhere by trying on and on to communicate with Piero… But then, afterwards, I found Piero and talked it out with him; it was his birthday too…! *4-4-1989, Auroville: On his request, Piero and I had a long talk this morning. He told me in some detail the idea he and Paolo have for the completion of the pillars and the access to the sphere; I hadn’t known about it, and it isn’t very clear; but I feel moved by his will and need to try and materialise something that would meet Your spoken requirements or descriptions. The problem is that he doesn’t have the width of vision, or the capacity, to propose an over-all model for the entire surroundings and approach to Matrimandir that would resolve all the issues… Later I was asked by Andy to give everybody an update of the work Catherine, John H and I have been doing… Show me, Douce Mère; make me walk on Your way… *5-4-1989, Auroville: I woke up this morning with a sore throat and pain in the right side gland below the ear. I was depressed that such a disharmony should creep in while I sleep, taking me unawares… This fatigue is so small and limited, an expression of the resistance… … I don’t know what’s wrong with me, which causes me to go under so often; this recurring fatigue is like a veil of dull opacity that blocks the awareness… At such times, the experience You have given me appears to be only a dream… a passing whim, not a durable gift… *6-4-1989, Auroville: I have received another letter from JF.A, which I offered to You at once: he writes that, as soon as his last letter had reached me, asking for help, he’d experienced a great relief and all his circumstances began right then to harmonise and flow and he sends his gratitude… To You, Mother!