journal d'une transition

818

I also met Pala today, and complained to her that no one was coming forward as a caretaker; she said that most people don’t even want to hear about “Ravena”, both on account of D.M and Janaka’s story and on my account: just because I have done the work means to them that this must be a “bad” place…!

*21-12-1988, Auroville: There seems to be no one yet who has the capacity to keep the place together, and to renew or re-establish order and harmony during the day… Larry is sweet but he has no material consciousness whatsoever and tends to spread an atmosphere of shallow liveliness, confused and noisy and unquiet; Theo is quieter, but he is unused to have to exert control over a physical, material space; Megan, the young US girl who is Larry’s friend, is alright, but very immature and inattentive… I try to train Nar and Shivagami to keep house… Show me, Mother, how to withdraw… The 6 Russian teenagers came in this afternoon, among them one strange, suspicious character who carries with him the typical vibration and mind-set one expects from a brain-washed enrolled Soviet youth: sombre, unable to look in the eyes, heavy and dumbly alienated… The others are a rather uninteresting, well-fed, stupid bunch, three almost ugly girls and two boys (one of which may have at least a little intellectual curiosity, a student of Physics). And the two young Indians are two brothers from a well-to-do Madras family, used to luxury and fun, and somewhat connected to Auroville through their uncle, Swami Nathan, the lawyer…

*22-12-1988, Auroville: I am going through the process of detachment, or withdrawal, and it is the sense of a passage between dimensions, or between experiences and realities…

*23-12-1988, Auroville: Life has now taken “Ravena” over, and I find that I have made no progress in accepting life as it is, in embracing it… Tonight there is to be a “concert” there, with over a hundred people attending – the kind of music people like nowadays, loudly self-satisfied and hollow; but people are “happy”! The best I could do was to step out altogether. I still had to make a couple of trips there, to settle the matter of the workmen’ wages with Larry and arrange for the left-over wood to be lifted, and see last details of organisation with Yaap… It is as the Lord wants… I only feel sorry to be still so small that I cannot unite with Him in all things… This life, what people experience as happiness and fun, is to me like a sham…

*24-12-1988, Auroville: There. It is done. All is in order. I lay it at Your feet, Douce Mère.

… Centre me, Douce Mère, where I am trusting and aware, so You can change me and use me as a being, a movement of That… It is odd that I am ending a work of almost 4 years just on Christmas Eve…! I have kept, from Janaka, a string of 24 natural pearls – I had left it in a cupboard there with other things, but Larry didn’t want it and asked me to put it all away; so this is what I kept, along with a string of coral bits…