journal d'une transition

793

*14-5-1988, Auroville: I attended the meeting at Matrimandir today. Things seem to have turned: as if Matrimandir had neutralised all that agitation, that false energy that had gathered around Roger A and his design; donations have dwindled and plans have not been made, and all have somehow agreed to concentrate on the one priority that is evident, that is, the completion of the Inner Room; they have also agreed, on the basis of the labour required for it, to cut down other activities and reduce the number of people working only part-time, and yet drawing their “maintenances” from Matrimandir, so that a more exact and proportionate relationship is established between the work to be done and the people contributing their labour. It felt like this was on the right track for the present… Last night I’d had a good dream with G.M and today I was relieved to find that he seemed to have surrendered his own drives and preferences and committed to allow Matrimandir itself to show the way… In the dream he was in the process of letting go of his attachments and, as it was happening, I could feel the return of the closeness between us, of that deep-rooted tenderness… *15-5-1988, Auroville: N came and asked me to remove some of his stitches, and change his bandages. I did that. He also needed money. To see his arm bare, with all the scars and folds of healing tissue and remaining stitches, and to feel the pain when he tried to move his wrist, shocked him… *16-5-1988, Auroville: I received a good letter from C who seemed to be truly happy with the gift I had sent for her birthday – I had drawn Your mantra with wax crayons, in sanskrit letters. … This morning I woke up very early with pain in my left eye – a burst vessel – and a moment later my body expelled a fat and hard 5” long worm; these creatures appear to dislike alcohol, as yesterday I had made for Su and me a gin-based cooling drink: I find it depressing that these things can feed on our organisms, suckers that our bodies do not seem to be equipped to fight; I have what is called a healthy diet, I never eat meat, I am clean and live in a clean place, I drink only filtered or boiled water… nothing doing! *18-5-1988, Auroville: N came accompanied, this morning, by a brother-in-law who acted as a body- guard: the man who had cut N’s arm has been bailed out and has immediately threatened to now kill N… I can find no room, in that entire set-up of bonds, customs, debts and face-saving requirements; to anchor any harmonising factor… I keep at a distance and abstain from giving any advice or extending any other help than just the minimum allowance N needs to go on with life… *22-5-1988, Auroville: I gave N a kind of ultimatum this morning; I explained to him once more that he had to choose to close this weak opening in him that keeps attracting trouble and commit to another orientation in his life, and that I wouldn’t support him through one more of these dramas…