journal d'une transition

794

*23-5-1988, Auroville: I knew it was high time for me to make some show of authority at “Ravena”, however inadequate I usually feel in this kind of situation; I took the opportunity that J was on leave today, to “seriously” talk to the others, with Shano’s help to translate… And as a result, everyone this afternoon was working with renewed conviction and energy… I guess I must take like as it is, and not expect from people more than what they are ready to give… … I needed to have a break from the daily routine of the relationship with Ar., the daily obligation of it, and from the circle of her emotional involvement: I brought her some fruit and requested her to meet on Friday only. She cried. But I believe that, way down, she understood… … It is so mysterious how I feel more at home with N’s substance – except for those times when he has dropped into a sort of unconsciousness, or is just awakening from sleep, or has fallen “sick”, when his mere presence becomes actively negative; I am also wary of a sort of duplicity in him; and yet I still trust him, and his attachment to me…

*26-5-1988, Auroville: B and Akash have temporarily moved to another place while their house here is being re-built. Today the work started, with removing the old thatch roof, and I put N there to coordinate and supervise.

*30-5-1988, Auroville: After the work today I went to Matrimandir to help with the preparations for the big concreting of the large RCC cap-slab in a couple of days. Su joined me there after dinner; there were only people I was glad to work with, Ramalingam and his team, John H and the workshop boys, and Gopal, and Narayana, and there was this family feeling I’d been missing… Yet it was too long since I had been exposed to that energy and it threw me a little off… … I received a letter from J.Y’s lady-friend, Patricia, announcing her arrival in a week’ time and a letter from JF.D announcing his and his friend’s arrivals in a month time… *2-6-1988, Auroville: The concreting started at about 4 pm yesterday. I had not planned to be there all through, but the energy was reaching so strongly that it was easier to stay there than not; I only took a break between 10 pm and 1 am; struggling to rest, I had a very puzzling experience: I suddenly entered another space and found myself sort of visiting a vast building that had been made in Your atmosphere, by one of Your children, as a housing-complex, a multi-storeyed apartment building, completely harmonious and serene and clean and warmly cared for, with lots of wood and brass, and clear and simple lines and much individual space and common halls… and this stayed with me as a demonstration of the power of true consciousness, its natural radiating power, of exactness, of harmony, of wholeness… I worked at Matrimandir again from 1.30 am till the end at 1O this morning, replacing John H at the mixer-machine; Su had also come back to help eventually, and we finished together…