journal d'une transition

759

… At 3 pm I went to Bharat Nivas to attend the big meeting on Matrimandir; in the hall there were displayed all 3 models of Roger A’s designs, and one model prepared by “Auroform” according to Paolo’s instructions, of just a faceted sphere clad in white marble… It went on non-stop till 9.30 pm… About 150 people attended. What to say…? In all these 6 ½ hours I felt the Force perhaps for one minute… The atmosphere generated by all the statements and declarations was most of the time hermetic, but there were moments as if between waves when one felt that everything was still possible… No firm “decision” has been taken although, by some weird brand of forced voting (hands raised) the majority favoured Roger A’s design; a process of further in- depth study is now to take place, in which, of course (!) everyone is invited to participate… I found a great mixture of genuine beliefs and old tricks – the blindness that causes religions to be what they are; and the demagogy and the mental and vital dishonesties… I am certain that if it wouldn’t be for their claims that Roger A’s design is in fact Yours, since You are supposed to have blessed it, it wouldn’t stand a chance: it is insane, absurdly complicated and garish, and so ostentatious, as if they didn’t know You at all…! … Su was deeply disturbed by it all; this was her first direct contact with the forces at play here, of the panoply of their tricks… *17-10-1987, Auroville: The people near “Ravena”, ED and Mauna, Yaap and Ulla, have conveyed to me this morning, though Yaap, their full backing for me to continue with the work; so I am going on, as far as I can stretch the money without relying on those funds Larry is supposed to bring. … There was another, follow-up meeting at Bharat Nivas today, to organise the work-teams; I went only for a while; I couldn’t stay on, I was so tired… It all looks very nice, though, and the symbolism of the design can be described in glorious terms: it is indeed attractive, but… I fear that they are calling a catastrophe; a half-lie here, a twist there, a bit of stretching here and there, and a whole lot of pushing and vital strength, but to do what, and to cheat whom…? I remember Your warning to the Matrimandir workers, years ago: “I can work with you only if you do not say a lie and are at the service of Truth…” … I do not want to serve division; but I cannot see either what good it does to try and participate with good-will to such a fake…!

*18-10-1987, Auroville: I have been depressed, the after-effect of that big wave, and wondering, now what? Is there something to be done, or should one just keep quiet and let it unfold, and see… I don’t know…

*20-10-1987, Auroville: I keep wondering about relationships. Ar. is in such misery… and all of human life is mostly misery of one sort or another, for a tiny bit of delight…