journal d'une transition

758

But will this group be willing to listen, to search together with others for the real thing, can they be freed of this hypnosis, or will they try to bully everyone else into accepting their plan? … Yaap came to see me at “Ravena”; he’d heard that Larry may be back within a couple of weeks, possibly with money to finish the work, and he thought that I should perhaps postpone the meeting with the Council, “to avoid troubles”… I had to remind him again that I had waited long enough, that Larry had sent me no message whatsoever; that there was now some opening in Auroville towards the place, and I had no reason to postpone it further, as in any case Larry and I had agreed on the future usage of the place… Yaap likes me now, I think, and he means no harm; but still he is Larry’s friend and has been introduced to “Ravena” by him… I feel a little weary of all this; either I am trusted enough and I can complete the work, or I am not and I’d rather pull out right now… *14-10-1987, Auroville: Ed came to see me at “Ravena” in the morning, and we talked frankly; we agreed that he would send a telegram to Larry informing him of the present direction and asking him to confirm that he would be bringing funds to finish the construction. And the meeting with the Council did take place – its 4 remaining members, Al.B, Suzy, Prem M and P.P – and Bhaga, Sharan and Yaap also attended; it went alright. … I want to be open and responsive for the big meeting on Matrimandir tomorrow; I pray that Matrimandir will call for the true and right solution… *15-10-1987, Auroville: Ed stopped me on my way to “Ravena” this morning, to deliver the bad news – why he hadn’t told me earlier, I do not know: a few days ago Larry had phoned Afsaneh and told her he was returning soon with enough money to finish the house alone and use the house for Auralice and himself , and that he wanted me to stop and move out at once; apparently Afsaneh had joined him in the US earlier and returned ahead of him to Auroville, and she had known of his intentions all along… And this corresponds to the actual feeling I was getting from Larry all this time… What is this battle I must wage? It is obvious that Larry’s position is dishonest, and contrary to the basic principles of Auroville; but then he is also supported by the wave of ordinariness that has overtaken a lot of the Auroville people – ordinary dealings, ordinary reasons and motives, ordinary orientations and considerations… My weakness in this is that I fear physical violence once I have met it; and Larry has wanted to hurt me once, and I remember that he has no control there, and no will to have any. To me it is that I am working to complete an offering which is Your property and meant for Your use, and I aim at getting recognition of its usage in the most faithful way possible; I do not think that any individual in Auroville today is doing such a conscious yoga as to justify their own personal use of this place; therefore I want it to be dedicated and open to all who may benefit from its concentrated and special atmosphere. And at present it seems that Ed, Yaap, the members of the Council, and quite a few others, genuinely agree to this direction… So I put on paper a few straightforward questions for Afsaneh to put to Larry when she talks to him on the phone, regarding his intentions and the future usage of the house; and I added one rider: in case he persisted in “taking over”, would he be willing “to pay back at least part of the amount I have myself contributed”…! And I intend to communicate both my questions and his answers to the Council…