journal d'une transition

616

… I received this evening an unsigned invitation to read some of my poems, among other guests, at a soirée in the Auroville Library on the 28 th ; this is, I suppose, a gentle gesture from some quarters – the “Fraternity” people had refused two of my poems for publication once they learnt I was the author… Anyway, I answered as gently that I did not believe much in reading one’s poetry in such contexts… *26-2-1986, Auroville: Sometimes I feel nearly drowned into some kind of thick milieu, with this material work at “Ravena”, between all this mentalised matter, the tools and machines and equipment and the working of them, and the weight of these 40 men’ energies… By now I have become aware of what goes on beneath the layer of smile, what goes on between and among them all, and it is nearly as suffocating as anywhere else… And at present with the tides of politics struggling and ebbing back and forth all over this area of Tamil Nadu (DMK, a party rather inclined towards fascism, has won in most places), there is a degree of gloom in the general atmosphere… This morning, though, the mixer machine was delivered safely; practically unnoticed… And I should say that things went rather well; I had to go back to town with Jagannathan to find another vibrator and get diesel, and got sunburnt on the way… I couldn’t rest at noon, as Kenneth came and sat and talked nonsense for a full hour… This afternoon I decided with the bar-bender to add a few more steel bars to the reinforcement, so he will have to stay overtime to finish it all… When I saw that everything was as ready as it could get in these conditions, I let everyone else go home; we shall do the puja tomorrow morning. … At dinner, I had a conversation with Ruud about the Matrimandir shell and the meeting that is to take place tomorrow with Roger A… Mother, I do not feel “entitled” to, but I pray that You look at it all and put Your pressure for the right thing to emerge, out of this tamasic confusion and blur of opinions and influences… Do not let Matrimandir alone, please! It must grow of itself, simple and evident, filled with the power and presence that come directly from the Supreme, and fulfil its function here, which we are far too small to encompass and can only tamper with if allowed to…! *28-2-1986, Auroville: A « Ravena » nous avons fait la puja à 9 heures hier matin et commencé aussitôt le bétonnage… Plus de 258 sacs de ciment, 22 heures de travail intensif continu, avec des interruptions de 15 ou 20 minutes ; il était midi quand, 27 heures plus tard, nous avons fini. J’ai appris beaucoup. Je suis rentré ici épuisé, les pieds rongés par le béton, et j’ai dû passer une heure à me nettoyer… Debout les pieds dans le ciment frais à vibrer pendant 27 heures ou presque tout en m’assurant que tout se déroulait bien, avec 60 hommes supposément à diriger… Mais c’est Autre Chose… Ar. et John sont venus aider toute la nuit, et c’était doux ; Narayana est aussi venu, assez longtemps. D.M était contente ; et elle m’a invité ce soir à venir manger la nourriture qu’elle a elle-même préparée… J’aurais beaucoup à dire, je crois, mais je suis comme hébété… Aujourd’hui est la Fête d’Auroville.