journal d'une transition

279

Auroville, and I have not yet experienced the union of the two, but for rare glimpses, not as an established thing… In town we do the shopping for Jacq and, as we pass some of us here and there, I see the faces closing up, immediately altered at the sight of Kiran with me… But I am glad to stand by her and to be seen with her… We are all so limited! *20-1-1980, Auroville: During my afternoon rest upstairs, G.M and Marcia call me to come down; I am struck by the dramatic condition they both are in; Marcia talks very fast, her eyes filled with tears, tight and distressed, of splitting up, of moving away from G.M, while G.M himself is silent, looking lost… I only have my own perceptions to go by, I don’t know what goes on between them, but I appreciate a beauty and genuineness in their relationship and I pray inwardly that they will not have to part. After a while, Marcia calms down, she makes a loving effort… and they both return to “Dana”… … This afternoon, we sit at “Tapoloka”, Myrtle’s house, for this special meeting to which both G.M and I have been invited, devoted to the orientation we wish to take with M.D’s coming trip to Delhi: what it is we wish to obtain from the Government, what suggestions we have as to the role it ought to play. This is followed later by a general meeting. Many of us are present. Al.B and M.D explain the situation. The atmosphere, though, does not invite deeper sharing, and there is a resistance to bring out certain issues… So, Al.B suggests we end the meeting with a moment of silence… And somehow the silence lasts. No one moves. Till it becomes obvious that we are being KEPT there! There is a power of concentration that takes us deeper. After a moment, I get a calm and firm impulse to speak and I break the silence: I draw attention to the need we have to look at those things that interfere between us all as a collectivity and You, the Future; I mention three things, explaining that what those three things have in common is that they veil our receptivity and dedication to the Force: one is the allegiance of those who stand in the shadow of the SAS’s legal claims over Auroville; the second is the practice of tantrism and/or the following of other gurus; the third is the use of drugs… Everyone seems to be listening very gravely… M.D follows up on it with more “information”… The meeting ends after 6 pm; several people come to “thank” me; but, by then, I have to deal with my own vanity! I saw, at the meeting, that V had come with C.E to attend and, again, I felt glad for both of them, and wished they could match each other… *21-1-1980, Auroville: This evening I pick up Kiran in Pondy. I appreciate her more and more. Something is tranquilly growing between us. As we ride away from the Ashram, she slips into my shoulder bag a large packet of incense sticks which Champaklal, whom she sees a lot and relates to strongly, has given her for me…

*22-1-1980, Auroville: When I pass P.G in the garden, early this morning, I feel a little embarrassed because he saw me, yesterday night, giving C.E a kiss as he was leaving after the Agenda session. But, so what? Why should I bother? Am I not free?