journal d'une transition

396

*25-9-1981; Auroville: Rumour or information, we “learn” that M.B and SSJ’s group are hiring many villagers – hundreds? – to work on those fields they have separately purchased. An emergency meeting is called to decide what to do. Diane and I reach only at the end of it: along with G.M I insist that, instead of going to the field and try to prevent the arrival and delivery of people and materials, we should go to Th’s house in “Certitude”, where M.B is staying; everyone agrees to this and at once moves over there… John H and I go to inform the Green Belt people about it; when I rejoin Diane and the others – Uma and Shankar have moved into Th’s house already -, Diane is upset at me for going with John H and, goaded by the antagonism her “friends” are directing at me, she confronts me there and then about my “ambivalence”; she compares the warmth with which I responded to John H with the coolness I express towards her, she bursts with it… I understand. I try to tell her of my own “history”, of how I have been constantly experiencing this living question, how it is kept, held before me; and this talk appears to somewhat comfort her… *27-9-1981, Auroville: This morning we go to the field and explain to the villagers who have been hired why we must stop the work they have been told to do. Ojha has actually been in favour of our moves; we wait for his corroboration and for the Police’s decision… And this evening M.B and his group are obliged to themselves remove their materials… … The nerves are hurting again; it is not a localised pain, but a steady, unfluctuating, deep ache straining the body through, as if a cry in the subtle sheath was resounding here as pain… I have to withdraw into silence, and Diane understands; and it does us some good, we grow a little closer…

*28-9-1981, Auroville: I observe that this pressure on the nerves does not subside even when I run; it remains constant…

*29-9-1981, Auroville: I have remained withdrawn, out of sheer necessity. It is one of these times when, just to look back a few days, one feels repulsion: wanting never to return to that condition…!

*30-9-1981, Auroville: F.S has come back for a short visit; he tells me of his life in Florida with Lila, where he works as a production manager for a big resort… … Today a first letter has come from C.E and V, who are now in Nice…

*1-10-1981, Auroville: