journal d'une transition

392

*3-8-1981, Auroville: Barbara comes with Akash; Diane soon arrives and Barbara cooks dinner. Later we all drive down to “Aspiration” to watch the last performance of the theatre play on “Illusions” of Richard Bach: Marc A has made such a lovely thing of it, offering it with his whole being, harmoniously, and with such a gift of sweet humour… We sit near G.M and Marcia, Diane and I for all to see… Diane stays here the night: we had needed it! *4-6-1981, Auroville: It has become clear that Diane is moving in with me. We arrange things quietly, and drive down to “Protection” to pick up her things. People want her to go to Delhi for the legal work there. I am not against it; I love it when she does things for the whole of Auroville; but what is around that particular trip is very mixed and there is much game-playing and hypocrisy… … V comes to ask me to take her down to Pondy to purchase a ticket to France; she tells me of the mess with C.E… *6-8-1981, Auroville: Diane had gone to see Chr about us getting a “basket”; she returns ten minutes later, holding her ticket to Delhi, which Fred just gave her on the way: I sense the old game upon us, her own past being thrown on her, and she not having the discernment to see it… I was prepared for her to go and do real work, if there is any, but this is different; my own reaction forces her to analyse it, and she acknowledges that it is not so very clear… … Diane has started to run with me; at first I had to push her, but then she has relaxed into it and is now happy… We have dinner at “Dana”; some of G.M’s “friends” have now turned away from him, for having supported Diane and me… *8-8-1981, Auroville: The Supreme Court has outright rejected the SSJ’s petition to be impleaded. … Diane did well not to go to Delhi: there was no point actually, and even Savitra will now have to come back here… … My nights have been poorly occupied, crowded with grey and complex activities, very close to Matter…

*10-8-1981, Auroville: We have learnt of Panditji’s death.

*12-8-1981, Auroville: We are seeking for our balance. Diane has been resisting what she thinks as my allotting her a definite place in my “ordered universe”…

*18-8-1981, Auroville: Another letter from Jean has reached Diane here, regarding my supposed “attacks” on him and the children, and forbidding her to come and see them. She broods on it, passively… And it then breaks into a fight between us…