journal d'une transition

382

abundant, and we run, laughing happily, filled with energy, cleansed… Diane stays the night…

*12-5-1981, Auroville: People start coming even before 7 am today, for one reason or another, or just to visit. And V brings Jayaura. And Pnina brings her daughter Galli. … We have a long meeting with the Administrators, the RDO, the SP and their entourages… The Court Order has been clarified and it gives a lot of power and authority to the Administrators, if they wish to make use of it for the right action…

*13-5-1981, Auroville: Today is both Ojha and Deepti’s birthday…!

We had prepared a big cake and many presents for Ojha; it is too much of a social event, it leaves us exhausted, but Ojha is happy; he is a beautiful man, and the Court Order has made him even more determined to fulfil his mission here… … Arjun and Deepti had insisted that Diane and I must come for dinner; there are lots of people, but in “Aspiration” there is that directness of contact and that simplicity which I appreciate… Myrtle is also there, wholly turned to me… But the context, the occasion, the setting, all contribute to formalise, make known and accepted the fact of Diane and I being together, and this seems to reassure Diane, to make her feel a little surer of herself (earlier today we had passed by the gate of “Jaïma” and Diane’s kids had seen us and called her, and this had brought her to a difficult emotional state)… … It is for me to focus, to gather myself, to pull myself back from so many directions and to acknowledge this situation with Diane…

*14-5-1981, Auroville: The Pope was shot yesterday inside the Vatican. Barbara brought her radio early this morning, so we could listen to the news; he has been operated on for hours…

*27-5-1981, Auroville: These past days have been so intense, so loaded with experience and beset with conflicts and traps and misunderstandings and… dangers, I couldn’t find the time or the quiet self-gathering necessary to write a single word… There has been alienation, and the existence of our team has been heavily contradicted, both from within and from without… And today, after another awful night, as Diane and I were returning from “Forecomers”, on the road an end came to it all: I burst in tears, and wept and wept, till it became completely calm inside me and I could clearly see but one step I had to make: to withdraw… Diane tried to prevent me… But Krishna came by, later at the house, and took my written statement with him… Diane still couldn’t accept…

*29-5-1981, Auroville: