journal d'une transition

335

… Much of this morning goes into formulating a statement to be addressed to Indra P, attributing to him the responsibility for the 35 SAS hired men’s actions on the 29 th . At some point a few of us decide to go and talk to Kiran and ask her to participate – PP, G.M, Bhaga, John H, Arjun and I: it is a moving moment with her; there is respect and care; she does feel there is something which perhaps she alone can do… … We ride away to find Indra and hand him the statement; he is not in “Promesse”; we move down to Pondy and find his jeep parked by the SAS’ main quarters; people there appear to be protecting him… I meet Mona briefly… I don’t know, Mother… All this looks to me like sheer hypocrisy: it is difficult to accept the Ashram’ collective attitude… We end up giving the statement to Vijay P and Sushilla… Sushilla: the picture of self-satisfaction…; I wish I would be aware of her own true yearning: I cannot believe someone may be so closed and so satisfied at the same time, at Your feet! … I have to pull G.M out of his own frustrated anger at this display of “spirituality”… … I help Diane prepare the file of documents she will take with her to Delhi… *3-8-1980, Auroville: P.G, P.M, G.M and I ride again over to “Promesse”; probably our bikes are too noisy, he has already gone hiding – Pippi tells us she’d just seen him a moment ago! People there seem to be scared, not of us directly, but of their share of responsibility for an action or a course of action that cannot possibly be justified. It is sad. We give the statement to Indra’s wife and leave. … This evening, as Annappa and I are returning from seeing the trenches of the foundations for his house, two men ride in looking for me: one of them is a journalist from “The Indian Express” who has been directed to me – I don’t know how – to seek an interview on the situation in Auroville and the conflict with the SAS; this is a complete surprise, but I feel calm and attentive… We take them to the house. The interview lasts about 15 minutes; I try to make sure the man is getting my answers right. He writes his name down and they soon leave. Annappa says it was good, but I am not sure; it just happened… *4-8-1980, Auroville: Since some time, Noh and Pas have been a growing part of the experience I had been sharing with G.M and Marcia at “Dana”, building their house. Pas is very jealous and possessive of Noh, and it tends to become a set of two couples, plus me! I want to withdraw, but I also feel like a child that has been rejected; but I really only want to be with G.M! … This afternoon G.M comes here, his face white with a kind of heavy and hurt violence; he has just received a letter from Ed, who found G.M’s carpenter taking wood from the storage at Matrimandir; the letter is a long virtuous accusation, blaming G.M for taking advantage of the trust placed in him and calling him a thief… G.M is ready to go and knock Ed down…! I keep quiet. This is revealing of the actual state of our relationships here, when Ed can even think of G.M as a “thief”… I myself have used some of the wood reapers from the dismantled towers, and have then purchased a lorry load of bricks for Matrimandir, as a kind of replacement, considering the present needs of the work. But G.M; after more than 10 years not asking anything, truly needs a house; and I feel that Matrimandir itself is happy that some of this discarded wood can be put to that use.