journal d'une transition

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… We are all a little fed up with these endless tussles and petty fights over boundaries and nuts and leaves… … Cl.B rides in on her own new black horse, Grita; I find myself a new role: I help her down this beautiful, tall and shiny beast and take it away to drink from the pond and graze in the fields around the Gardens, till it is quite satiated… … Today Hervé and Jean C have decided to bring me 6 chickens for my cooking: the first time we have meat in this Kitchen! … I am reading “Big Sur” by Henri Miller: this is a good man, deeply awake, and I enjoy the book. … A visitor, named Boris, comes for the second time – I had no recollection of having ever met him, but he remembered very precisely about me, 15 years ago in Ibiza and about entire scenes he describes in detail, and he remembers O.B, and A.F, and others… How is that possible, I cannot tell! … There is some humour in serving meat today, “Darshan day”, 60 years after Your return to Pondichéry, having read in Your last Agenda what You have to say about meat…! But the 3 of us, Pas, Phil and I, had a very calm afternoon preparing this dinner and the atmosphere is good and clear and the children, as well as all the big eaters, are happy… *25-4-1980, Auroville: This morning Ramalingam comes up to help with the work. And P.G, who had “decided” he needed to exert his revolutionary capacities in ‘Fraternity”, has come back to us, saying he was missing us too much… He is all tender humour and it is heartening…! … I drive Christiane down to Nripendra’s Dispensary in the Ashram, to have her ears treated… … There is underlying anger in me, at my insincerity and the mixture of motives and drives in me; at the element of desire that tends to intrude between Krishna and me these days… And also, all a round, at the general atmosphere we all create, with its ambiguities and unclarity… … When I return in the evening from the “Envelopes”, I find Krishna waiting for me… he too had a mixed day; it takes us a while to climb back… *28-4-1980, Auroville: The heat is so heavy, we drag ourselves to work. And it takes nearly an hour before energy begins again to flow. I have always disliked this dependency, these tricks we must use in order to open to and receive the needed energy… The yearning is for an opening, constant and safe, to the energy from above, that would take care of everything… … We are all busy in the office, this afternoon, when M.D shows up; he returned in the night from Delhi… The news is not too bright: Navajata and Co are still able to get people under their influence on the power paths and Indira is terribly alone In the midst of generalised corruption. She has indeed issued a stay-order of all our Quit Notices, but between her and the Tamil Nadu State officials are a number of strategic spots where the SAS can still interfere indirectly… So there is still uncertainty in the atmosphere… … Tonight we start again to listen to the tapes of Your Agenda: it is now Volume 5.