journal d'une transition

305

many years, earlier given money to Navajata for their house or bungalow in Auroville… … There is a sense that things are about to take another turn…

*5-4-1980, Auroville: I am too feverish to try and go to Matrimandir. Everything is a little blurred… I measure the spaces between the future trees, and go down to the Nursery to see Narad about the planting… His secretive, charged-with-meaning, “evolved” manner, makes me a little sick but, what to do, we must trust and go on…! *7-4-1980, Auroville: Krishna and I spent the entire night on duty at Matrimandir. It has been a wonderful, fulfilling time, sharing within our domain… … I wake up Pnina; she is going to Pondy for a few days; I respect her and am thankful for her, for her integrity; she has not tried to shun the difficulty, she has regained her own poise without rejecting the relationship, without resenting me, and she remains available to it… *8-4-1980, Auroville: I cycle down to town to see for the wood for C’s house. This is a good ride for meditation… I understand more and more that we must come out of the limiting mind if we are to enter a truer consciousness, but this does not mean merely (!) to come out of the mind, it is much more complex and radical, because there is not a single movement in us, in our very substance, that has not been mentalised in the process of the ages… I look at it from the perspective of moving towards a “divine anarchy” in our experience here, since all of our fumbling for some sort of collective organisation has proven self-defeating, if not plain aggravating, and all of our striving seems to amount to just a lot of pretence and little self-giving…! … We fear our own natures… There is but one way, the way of unity and oneness with the Presence within and without… This has to become a Fact. One cannot pretend…! … I wanted to buy a carpet, an orange one I’d seen some weeks back in Gautam’s shop, to replace the one that Gauri has thoroughly spoilt… When I reach there I find, standing right next to the carpet… Pnina! She is happy, I am happy; there is humour in this gift…! *9-4-1980, Auroville: Marcia and G.M have prepared dinner for me at “Dana”. Noh has baked a cake with Pas, Pnina has brought a huge garland of jasmine… … Krishna is waiting for me at his place, he has prepared it for me, it is filled with a loving presence; I brought him food, he makes us tea; we lie together, at home in one another. Today he has received the Agenda 6… When I return, Pnina has left everything ready for me, Jacq and Kiran have brought me a beautiful clay symbol of You… We hold each other quietly into sleep…

*11-4-1980, Auroville: