journal d'une transition

196

It is Sunday. P.G and I cycle down to F.Gr’s house in “Certitude” to meet Patricia; F.Gr shows me his garden and the model he has prepared for the Matrimandir area and Gardens. Patricia says she has met with Piero earlier, he’d had another meeting with Talwar and Dayabhai and he is now ready to go up and meet Kireet in Delhi and place all the questions before him – all that receiving funds for Matrimandir entails at this juncture; we look together at my text for a presentation of Matrimandir and everyone likes it…

*19-3-1979, Auroville: C.E is troubled because he’s been feeling an attraction towards V and doesn’t know how I will take it… I tell him only two things matter between us, that we do not hide anything from each other and that we do not use our relationship as a replacement for other needs we each may have. He seems to be relieved. *20-3-1979, Auroville: In the evening I tell C.E how I felt about Dennis’s letter regarding the relationships with both “Findhorn” and “Arcosanti” communities: how, beyond a first impression of sweetness, I felt strongly that it’s not it, not at all, that we all seem to be sleeping; that we are here because Your Force is here, we were born for a real Change, not for any of those self-satisfied efforts at community awareness and what not… O Mother, were it not for Matrimandir, I’d be in utter despair here, wouldn’t know where to go…! *21-3-1979, Auroville: This morning at work, just as I was about to, for the first time, openly request P.G and Al.B to please stop talking and focus on the task at hand, F.Gr came up asking for help to start something in the Gardens; he wants to begin work near the Banyan tree. P.G and G.M are willing to help him; I do not feel this is a very clear beginning as F.Gr has somehow not wanted to see it all with Narad; and I resent a little the role P.G tends to play by G.M, negatively supporting him instead of helping him to concentrate…; but I have no say in any of this. *24-3-1979, Auroville: … Si seulement je pouvais me souvenir des vies, des femmes, des hommes, des enfants que j’ai aimés et chéris… Je me sens si pauvre, pauvre de moi-même. Je voudrais tout tenir, ce que j’ai été et pourquoi je suis tel que je suis, tenir tout cela dans la lumière d’une compréhension réelle et, tout entier, l’offrir, pour que Tu crées un être solide, d’une substance consciente pour un corps qui porte sans faillir un peu de Ta Vérité… *27-3-1979, Auroville: I am pondering my dependency on energies… For instance, every week I start early on to look forward to the next PT meeting and it is obviously linked to a need for a certain type of energies; yet I do not like, have never liked nor been comfortable with this constant exchange, this give and take, this trading we are compelled to as