journal d'une transition

178

a moment with a kind of simultaneity – what we a re now, growing more balanced; what we were, striving and yearning; what we shall be… It is all one and yet it evolves… there is an increase in accuracy, in confidence, in simplicity… … Toine came to see the house for the first time; he was impressed and liked it a lot, I think. He said that the 3-phase connection for the pump may take a few more weeks but that he is following it up… We started the building of this house on Your last Birthday, 21 st of February, which is also Toine’s birthday; and we really ended it all today, setting it up with the furniture, and this is a Darshan day, 9 months later – like a human child! At “Sharnga”, fetching the milk this evening, Cl and B.B tell me, laughing – they were just returning from some meeting – that it had just been found that all those who had chosen to buy their own food rather than participate in the “envelope” system were actually getting their bread and tofu from the Bakery for which the “envelopes” had paid already! *28-11-1978, Auroville: We have now a fairly large scaffolding team and the work goes well and fast; but I find myself caught up again in some kind of leading role, despite my resisting it… So I decided that, if Patricia doesn’t come tomorrow I just won’t work, rather than going on telling others what to do, although I also understand that this is simply more practical for most of us… *30-11-1978, Auroville: The garden is radiant, a feast of leaf and grass, there is hardly any breeze, the air is soft and filled with birds’ songs, the sounds of tools in the distance muffled by the trees, voices calling… Perhaps one would be crushed if one would truly realise the perfect miracle it is to be material, the Grace it is… This meeting point of all movements in the Lord… I know it is there pulsating in “me” since ever and that, little by little, the needed strength, balance, wideness and equanimity are being built… *3-12-1978, Auroville: We were both weaving, this afternoon, when the door opened and V came in. She first asked for a saw; then she asked C.E when he will show her his paintings; then leaves… I became tense; it roused almost an anger in me. I wish the whole thing was open and frank! Then C.E decided to go with his paintings to V and he too left… *5-12-1978, Auroville: As I was about to leave for “Fraternity” this afternoon, I made a remark which I note here, as it is significant of my ways and of what has to change in me for good… I said to C.E that I’d try to be back in time to wash all the clothes, but I implied that it’d be nice that he does it, so I wouldn’t have to hurry…! And in this second meaning of my words was a vibration close to ordering him, but in an indirect manner, putting him in the situation where he’d feel obliged to do it, lest he’d be guilty of not doing it! This is a trick quite often used by me, I am aware of it; I do it purposely. But as it is not a cold blunt thing and it is tempered by other feelings of sharing, I let it be and am rarely struck by the callousness of it. But today I had this aspiration to see precisely what makes C.E so resentful, in order to