journal d'une transition

177

*17-11-1978, Auroville: The masons finish the last plastering of the floor late into the night – white and red polished plaster. I make them mix marble powder with the oxides. I read Your Agenda, the 2 nd , most of this evening. I had not planned it this way, but the house is completed tonight, this very day 5 years exactly after You “left”; it happened of its own momentum, what with the various delays, the shortages… This house has a presence; it is a gift of Your Grace… When I fell asleep, right away I found myself alone in a room; at once I am attacked, directly, a long thin snake striking at me, aiming straight for my sex and biting… As the venom enters through my loins I keep very quiet and, with all my trust, raise a cry to You: “Do what You want, this is happening…!” But, almost at the same time, my nerves weaken and my breath panics and it wakes me up with a start… *18-11-1978, Auroville: I understand that in a sense I cannot be free; I have given myself to this context of togetherness, of growing together and, just as it is within me when there’s a difficulty, so it is in contacts and relationships. I can’t simply be “above” it; I must face it and go through it. But this makes me realise that actually none of us can possibly have given themselves completely to Auroville, for that would surely be unbearable, none of us has the capacity to bear the entire range of the difficulty; parts and elements of our natures do aspire for Auroville, but we are not capable of facing it entirely… And this also gives me some measure of the hell you have lived when You gave Yourself with Your full consciousness into Matter, You gave up Your freedom, You gave up everything…! *21-11-1978, Auroville: R tells me that many people have stopped coming to the Kitchen since the “envelope” system has started, probably preferring to buy their own food. Later, at work, I ask F why he isn’t participating and he tells me plainly how he feels and about his attempts to find means of generating income, using the labour force we have here and forming business contracts with the US; that he has already got an order from Dilip K… I feel some interest as I have an affinity with handicrafts and do anyway some weaving at home almost every day and there would be room and time to do more now, at least afternoons… At night, in one of my dreams, I enter a room which is full of animals of all species, from the insect to the largest mammal and they all have to come to me, each in their own way, and there are some “dangerous” ones like those strange small coloured scorpions, but I remain calm and even start laughing when one of them insists to stay at my neck… There is also a child there… *24-11-1978, Auroville: … As we move the rest of the furniture from the small house where P.G is now staying, to the completed common room in the new house, carrying each item through the garden, we recall we did it the other way just a few months ago and with the image, the condition we were in at the time is evoked and I am struck for