journal d'une transition

174

with this need and this love that is in me – but quite unrelated to the surface movements. And I also see that I am still somewhat under the shock of what has happened with Piero earlier this year…

*23-10-1978, Auroville: I had sent Nat looking urgently for a mason, so the remaining lime is used before it spoils, but it seems the only one available is at “Udavi” and I must get permission from Nata; this gives me the opportunity to meet him after long. I cycle over there and find Nata and Guy together; Nata is happy to see me as I am to see him and it’s real and sweet and near and it does me good. And it is full of You for, without him, I would never have been able to see You again, Mother. Incidentally he says that just a few days ago he had looked again at my translation of “Savitri” and found it very beautiful and felt that I should continue… Am I to take this as an encouragement from You? He also relates to me how he had to separate from the SAS and join the Ashram with his unit and could not help Auroville because of the taxes; he happens also to mention, recalling some past incident, Piero’s difficult character! I return here with a happy heart! Patricia tells me that Yan fell from a platform in the night during his watch at Matrimandir and was taken unconscious to Jipmer! Why? And why Yan, who came with such a simple good-will? Paying for what? But this evening we got the news that he had recovered and was speaking and no serious damage seemed to be there… R speaks to me again about this Ashram girl, called Mira, whom so many people appear to have taken very seriously; she is reported to claim that she is doing Your work, that You have given her a large responsibility in the transformation… R shows me a whole bunch of recordings that he has obtained… I don’t know; there is an atmosphere around it and it is presented in ways that are not too clear… *31-10-1978, Auroville: On the way to fetch the milk in the evening I wanted to stop at Matrimandir and go up to the Chamber to concentrate in its empty space for a moment; C.E decided to come with me… While he sits quietly leaning against one wall, I start pacing in the silence and the image comes over it, with a whole scene and its feelings, of a monk pacing back and forth in the courtyard of a monastery and this monk is dreaming of the day, with a deep yearning, when it will become possible to embrace ALL LIFE and turn it to THAT, for THAT to live and to manifest upon earth… And I open to the dynamism of that “dream”, ideal, which has at last come true and after such labour with Auroville… And yet here we are before the greatest possibility ever given humanity… and we sleep and we shrink from every difficulty and from every blow and narrow ourselves down… I feel that power, that force to conquer, to move forward, to face and to overcome, to grow, and in this power is real love… One must not shrink. But I do, too often!

*1-11-1978, Auroville: … I joined Patricia and R.O at the scaffolding under the structure; if I can work with them every morning, it will be alright. But I understand from F that things are still