journal d'une transition

156

*4-7-1978, Auroville: I went to V at Dennis’s and saw with her how to place my things there… There is less tension between us and a more “respectful distance” now… *5-7-1978, Auroville: After our bath, C.E and I started moving my large book-case over to V’s; P.G was there and helped us. Then I stayed awhile with V, putting things in order; she is a little tight and rather possessive; she asks me to sleep there, so as not to leave her alone with all this “wealth”… But I’d rather stay in the garden for the time being! *7-7-1978, Auroville: In the evening, after washing the clothes and blanket, I saw the masons and was a bit stern with them, as they’ve been talking way too loud, disturbing everybody. Then I went over to V’s to stay there while she went for her dinner; this is a rather beautiful house that E.B had built, with its large windows looking out over the land, the trees and the hills in the distance, the sunset is blazing, and it is all spacious and warm and comfortable… When V returned I went to bring biddies to the masons on my way to the Kitchen; I’d asked V to inform F.Gr I wanted to talk to him, so he was waiting for me with Patricia; I told them that, for the last two days, I’d been feeling a clear urge to break through this blockage related to Matrimandir and that we should simply, somehow, tell everyone that the work on the shell is now starting, and end this false search for a so-called “collective direction”… They seemed to be feeling the same. We figured we could announce in the next PT meeting that the work is indeed starting on the concrete shell and that any other decision regarding the Gardens, for instance, would be premature, that drawings and studies are needed first from Piero and whoever is interested; that energy is required from everyone to do the work now… 12-7-1978, Auroville: When I returned in the evening I heard the shouts of the masons yelling at each other. I have asked them so many times to quietly concentrate on their work and not to disturb others – I feel bad imposing this racket on everybody here. So I decided to be a little firm and told one of them to stop; as he was going on shouting, I told him abruptly he could take his leave; then another of the masons declares that he will also leave, and so do 3 of the helpers; I say “fine, you can all leave” and wait while they pack their tools… V and I have another argument, as I still feel to sleep in the garden rather than move in; I end up telling her that we must acknowledge we do not understand each other and are unable to express outwardly any real friendship; but that I do not wish to talk any more about it… On my way to the Kitchen, later, I saw that none of the men had left, they were all talking quietly; I sat with them and, in my poor Tamil, explained to them what I expected of them so we could all be happy together and the atmosphere and the vibrations would be good for the building of this new house; they told me then they were ready to work if I said so… V was still waiting for me, I saw her rigidity and felt like a boy who’s gone to the movies despite his mother having forbidden it, and it stiffened me: she asked me bluntly to leave the house tomorrow…