journal d'une transition

147

V. and I kept mostly silent. (Initially, once the attempts to build simple and clean structures for group-housing had failed to meet with everyone’s agreement, I had started to make designs for a house here; my first design had been for a raised concrete structure, a simple rectangle resting on concrete pillars, and Gl had actually finalised, in her professional way, the elevation drawings, without Piero knowing about it; it was her gesture of trust in me. But then, seeing all the resistance and the drama, I opted for a ground-floor structure using only granite cut stones which could be re-used, and no concrete except for the buried foundations, with a ferro-cement flat roofing as an experiment; I designed it then so that it would be most discreet and fuse with the vegetation around it and the protection wall which Piero first assaulted was meant to be covered with vines so as to screen the house.) V., C.E and I seem to be reaching, little by little, a good, happy balance… *16-3-1978, Auroville: At 9 am V and I went to the PT meeting; almost everyone from “Aspiration” had come and most of them have just shaved their heads, it is a rather funny sight! When Piero spoke it became obvious to everyone what his problem is… Finally it was proposed and agreed upon that the house could go on, that “Sincerity” does exist, as the Field exists, but that nothing else should be started from now on without first referring to the whole community… *31-3-1978, Auroville: There is a call in me: I start wondering like an idiot why, why every time one feels and is filled with sweetness and tenderness, one nears something good and beautiful, then shadows come and obscure movements spoil it all… Why? What advantage is there in it? What purpose does it serve? No! The world is NOT such! This world is Yours! In You there is no shadow, only pressure for progress and growth of consciousness! I can’t believe anymore in “darkness”! There is a trick, a vast, huge illusion. These things in us, these movement are not, cannot be what they appear to be. I must withdraw my sanction to their apparent existence. There is no contrary, there is no obscurity. There is no evil intent. NO! Somehow I come to two conclusions: the real perversion of the consciousness lies in the acceptance of suffering – the very way one accepts suffering, is perverted. And this is linked to the second conclusion: one is a fool to consider oneself as guilty, the sense of culpability is a gross trick played to and through the ego. And both can only happen because of a lack of joy, of inner trust, of centeredness…

“The best way to express one’s gratitude to the Divine is to remain always simple and happy!”

Yes! This is the way!

*2-4-1978, Auroville: I have felt the need to write to Satprem again, to try and find out how he feels about Auroville, about Matrimandir now… As usual I hesitated a little before taking my letter to “Aspiration”… As Nicole wasn’t there, I left the letter, a flower and a message for her in her hut. I feel she is my