journal d'une transition

146

was trying to make me loose my trust and courage, but I can also consider this event as something pregnant with a greater clarity… V. insisted that we should meet with a few others this evening, it went on till past 10 pm, with R.O, Pas, Pala, G.M, Ina, Jerome, V. and C.E… Hesitantly, but it has been quiet and positive. All felt that Piero couldn’t be allowed to act in this way. I feel very tired. *13-3-1978, Auroville: I got up at 5.45 am feeling very sad, questioning myself and all I have ever felt… I had to go to Pondy today, mostly to the Bank to get the money for the work here; twice there I happened to see John V and the second time he was standing right near me at the counter and spontaneously I smiled at him but, dark and filled with an accumulated feeling of vengeance and rancour, he said “you can smile but you will pay very heavily for what you have done!”, meaning my participation to the collective decision that the group around Jagdish must disband… I couldn’t help answering “I don’t think when I smile, John!”, but he repeated “you will pay heavily!”… I looked at the effect this was trying to produce in me: fear! So I rejected it… When I returned here early afternoon, I found Arumugom waiting for me and saw that Piero had come and broken more of the wall; then V. told me what had happened: Piero had come, this time accompanied by D.D and Rakhal who each stood by to take photographs while he hammered at the wall; Nat had gone at once to call G.M and others, and it was Pas who came and took the hammer from Piero while two others stood in front of the wall. Piero said then that he would come every day till he’d broken down the whole house; V. told him that he must stop coming and on our side we would stop building till the matter was taken up at a Pour Tous meeting. At that he left. The whole incident took place exactly at the same time as I was having this exchange of words with John V at the Bank… I feel that it is all beyond me, that I have no grasp and no clear indication on how to act next… *14-3-1978, Auroville: C.E tells me his dream of last night, that we were flying together, very close to each other, very united and very free; and then we had to go down through the layers, dense rand denser with their conditionings that were spoiling that loving reality, and he woke up at that point… Everyone here wants to have a “Centre” meeting before we attend the Pour Tous meeting… *15-3-1978, Auroville: We had the meeting this evening after the work, at the Matrimandir office; it started quietly, remained quiet and ended at 6.30 pm. The general feeling seems to be that Piero was wrong to impose his will in such a fashion; that it is a fact we do not know yet how the city will be like and probably will not know until the Centre – Matrimandir and the Gardens – is materialised; that it is therefore wiser not to start any permanent construction on the city territory till that time; but that there are no objections for those who are already there and working to re-build with better materials, provided they are willing to vacate when the “real” city comes that way…