journal d'une transition

145

R.O is moving to E.B’s house – she has moved to “Douceur” – and is very happy about it. I took C.E’s cycle to go to Piero’s about the work; while on my way I had time to look at some of my insincerities and also to ponder all those contradictions that You have accepted in Your work and I could see that, if I look at them with my mind, I can only get desperate and loose faith, while if I keep confident in what I experience with my heart, which guides and helps me all along, then I can remain here and try to serve You better and loose more of the ego-consciousness… With Piero it was alright. I saw his latest model for the Gardens and entrance but I didn’t feel anything this time: the access by the Urn is fine but I don’t like his shifting of the Oval, so I really cannot say… Again it is mixed; he is too complaining, too bitter. Regarding the sphere, the “skin”, etc, he seems to be very clear and practical and I appreciate it; I have more trust in it than in Roger A’s easy dreams that – sorry! – look like “camelote”, “junk”, to me! There is a secret in all of that. I don’t know. I just feel we must go on with the work without trying to impose any conception or persuade anyone… *7-3-1978, Auroville: After the work I again went to Piero’s, to see with him how best to utilise the energies available; we saw the details for the work of the coming days; then he told me of his idea of forming a small group of action, made of people permanently involved in Matrimandir, to see everything as it comes and make all the choices that have to be made. After a moment of reluctance I admitted that it might actually be necessary in order to come out of this uncertainty now prevailing, of all these misunderstandings, judgements and frustrations… if only it could remain a simple work-oriented team! But that has to be seen! He also gave me good advice for the pump and the tank here. *12-3-1978, Auroville: I was tending to V’s foot – my cactus treatment works! – when… Piero arrived on his bike! I went out to greet him, a little surprised, not guessing the reason of his visit. He just said that he’d come to make a “demonstration” and pulled out of his bag a hammer and a chisel and started to break the wall (the outer protection wall of granite stones)!. In shock I returned upstairs to V.’s room and told her what was happening and had to sit a few minutes to recover… V. want out – she’s Italian- born, as Piero is -, I followed, watching while V. tried to talk to him, but it’s no use. When my body felt a little stronger I went down the last few steps and stood between him and the wall, but he went on, careful not to hit me… We moved in this way for a while. V. went to fetch R.O but, when they return together, Piero had stopped to rest, so R.O left. Then, Piero resumed his breaking, and this time R.O came to stand by my side and Piero had to stop, remarking with sarcasm “here is your right arm!” He left, saying he would come again to break the entire house. All the while, Nat., Rad and Yel and Raj had kept working quietly, which I appreciated very much. Both V. and R.O feel that everyone should be informed; I too feel that but I do not know how to go about it. I explained to them Piero’s position regarding the planning of the city, told them about the various attempts that were made to provide people with cleaner and more harmonious housing and how he blocked them all… Their sweetness is a help to me. I had known that this destructive force