journal d'une transition

857

workers to read and write in English, and the meeting agreed that Matrimandir could pay part of the teacher’s salary… Now what? Piero’s resignation, on top of Mauna’s, would mean that much of the work would soon be halted; and Arjun will remain seated in his plush office, the giggling Stuart by his side, doing what? Piero’s show was stupid, and his repeated threats to withdraw are boring… But the atmosphere seems to be only worsening, as if through our weaknesses we were all inexorably dragged to the defeat of the whole purpose… I was feeling quite sick, as if to smile was a thing no longer of this world; sick too of my own clinging and wanting to own, in relation to Selvam, of my incapacity to reach out in purity – not the moral purity but the purity of a movement devoid of wanting, secure in the truth and integrity of its own self-giving… We are miserable creatures. In that condition, there can be no future… … Janet, this afternoon, insisted that I must carry on and bring out my proposal for a new direction at Matrimandir and a process to be adhered to in order to come out of this impasse… She was so positive about it that it drew me out of depression, and when I returned here I sat re-writing the paper I had prepared about two weeks ago… Menaig also came to sit with me this evening, having now realised that participation of another kind is now necessary… … F.J has written that he and Chr.J are thinking to come here next January along with C, and asking what I think of it…! “The text that follows was written about three weeks ago; I didn’t share it at the time because I felt it would be so much better if the workers of Matrimandir could either find a progressive balance or, as a group, issue a similar request to Auroville at large. Since then however, first Mauna and now Piero have resigned from their work at Matrimandir; their respective decisions to do so were triggered by a difficult, unresolved inter-personal conflict in the context of the day-to-day work – not over the issue of design, at this point. Yet I would maintain that such conflicts can only last and become suffocating when the flow of energy is blocked or hampered to a serious degree, when it can no longer help each one to find the right work, the right place and the right function within a whole. Matrimandir is giving us all a test – a tough one: to discover how It needs and wants to be made complete and how It wants to communicate to the world; to discover Its true living functions. We do not need more meetings; we do not need more flags, more exclusivism; we do not need compromises. We need the contribution of individuals of Auroville who recognise the necessity of a solid physical anchor into the True, so that a collective being may evolve past the divisive mental ego.” *1-7-1989, Proposal: Introduction: