journal d'une transition

812

*6-11-1988, Auroville: I attended, the entire afternoon, a general meeting about the City Master-Plan, which Roger A is going to deliver tomorrow in Delhi, along, I suppose, with his expectations to be officially appointed as “The Architect”… What to say? He is a pig. But he has capacities, and he is in this position whereby a wonderful advance could be made in Auroville, at all levels, simply because You had put him there; but he doesn’t even see the opportunity, as he only functions with his ego. And the group that has formed around him adds dishonesty to deformation… It seems to me we have as yet so little understanding; it is a poor circus show…! *7-11-1988, Auroville: This is a very restful weather, soft and lush and cool; no blare, everything is subdued and quietly thriving, there’s a little wind, a drizzle at times: Nature re sourcing… I had thought I would do the asanas, back from work this evening, but instead I found myself aligned in the garden, nowhere in particular, simply there, gazing, being, breathing, perceiving, as I’ve had no time to be for… a long time! … If we weren’t still bound by this sense of time determined by the duration of a human body, it seems to me there would be no frustration of any sort; whatever process one is into would simply go to its fruition, whatever the time it may take, and one would never feel the “waste” of it by having to compare it with all the other efforts or endeavours or progresses to be made… It is this engineering of time and death into the present body or material state that is truly THE obstacle – there seems to be none other… *8-11-1988, Auroville: Mentally I want to work actively on freeing my physical consciousness from the sense of time – to try and open to a physical condition unbound by the pressure of time; and to let go of all the formations of what “I” ought to achieve, realise, serve or contribute: this condition must exist… But today I hit upon the other aspect of this pressure: relationships. For, without a sort of defined purpose or discipline in daily life, relationships tend to hover, flood in and spread and take over; and therefore it seems that, in order to become free of that falsifying sense of time, one must first find and establish the true, the new basis for all relationships, in oneself… I understand I must find a state of eternity, so that there may be an increase of consciousness in the substance. Yet, life is so set, relationships and possibilities of movement are so insufficient and so resistant to change, that one can only tolerate them as temporary realities, not meant to last… I do not find the right movement; I do not even sense its actuality… *12-11-1988, Auroville: Krishna stayed all evening here with me. We seem to be going at the same time through a similar crisis, reaching for some opening, sign or action, a way over or into the Real, and the undoing of death; often I see that Krishna and I are to each other what we both want most, and it is a Gift, a more-than-human thing. And yet, *9-11-1988, Auroville: I am up against a question: a need to be taken over by what I seek.