journal d'une transition

811

*25-10-1988, Auroville: Today was probably my last taking care of Barbara’s house; the work is now done. At “Ravena”, Larry came this morning, to tell me that $ 1,000/- has finally reached, for the furnishing of the house; even though we have already spent part of this amount, by borrowing in advance, it will still see us through a few more weeks of work… … N had to go to the Court two days in a row; I now wish that either he makes a step forward and shows some receptivity or response, or that something else happens to direct him away from me: it is at once too vital and too stagnant with him… *26-10-1988, Auroville: Barbara seems to be truly happy in her new house and so does Akash, and it does feel harmonious; Devaraj and the other men were sad to leave, though, and I too feel that sadness, to have to part in that way, not knowing what will come for them next… … I am making obstruction, it is obvious; therefore I cannot complain of not progressing, of there being no progress: I have to assume responsibility for what remains my own “stagnation”… *29-10-1988, Auroville: I attended the meeting at Matrimandir. And, for the first time in months, it was possible to calmly mention the fact that the design imposed by Roger A may not be the right one, and that because of that the work remains blocked; Andy spoke first and made a very clear statement, and I felt that this time I could follow through – I usually only sit and watch and listen, as I am not working there at present -; and others spoke, afterwards. The interpretations are still often biased, and there are still those who would rather continue with the conflict game, and thus it may take longer… But there was a clarity today which I hadn’t felt for a long time.

*2-11-1988, Auroville: Days go by, and months, and years… How is it possible to make any substantial progress in such a ridiculously short life-span, which is made up of such truncated, abnormally brief and reduced days and nights…? Hold me, Mother, hold me on…!

*3-11-1988, Auroville: This is like an accidented terrain: contacts with people are so treacherous: I just spent an hour with Kenneth on my way back from Pondy, and he went on demolishing, for no reason I could figure, whatever he thinks Su is, and how only unstable people associate with me…! His atmosphere wasn’t good at all; I had stopped by as it was his birthday, and I am aware of him as Your child; but today wasn’t right…

*4-11-1988, Auroville: This morning, M.P’s body was found, in his house, already decomposing. Let him be received and healed and renewed! He was cornered for so long…!