journal d'une transition

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*16-7-1988, Auroville: Su and I went with Patricia to Madras – she is leaving. We spent the day in the city; it was wet and drizzling, and both were in good spirits; we had lunch in a luxurious restaurant, with a piano player!

*19-7-1988, Auroville: I know the Lord is leading me towards conscious purity. It is better no one is made judge of the way: only He knows!

*20-7-1988, Auroville: I resist, ignorantly, clumsily, fumblingly, this coalition of energies, habits and usages that render it unavoidable and, eventually, necessary to, out of sheer wear, quit the scene… I want to find, in this physical condition and world, the Presence that is Itself Its own renewal and takes every part, every element, in Its charge… … When I returned from the night-watch, past midnight, I found Y asleep on the porch of the house; he’d been caught by the heavy rain on his way home; he came to sleep inside, and I yielded to the attraction of that comfortable embrace… *22-7-1988, Auroville: Tom came to tell me that they would have no room (in “Revelation”) for JF.D and his friend Michel; this made me a little sad, as they, Tom and the others there, haven’t been quite straight with me, but also quite relieved: my relationships with French people mostly tend to go sour, ambiguous and unclear, and I like it best to be isolated from them all…! I’ll have to see for some accommodation at “Discipline” tomorrow… *23-7-1988, Auroville: These days there’s such an accumulation of material details, of things that demand attention lest they go to pieces – from water-pipes to Barbara’s house, to the new bench by C’s house, the money-flow or the tyres for the wheel-barrow: nothing in itself, but a sum of symbols of the precariousness and artificiality of this present physical condition which knows not how to evolve but tends to rigidify, and therefore must then break or be undone… … I cycled over to “Discipline” to see with Meike for JF.D and M’s lodgings; it isn’t very well looked after, but there’s this gentle, mellow farm atmosphere, a quiet activity… *25-7-1988, Auroville: I spent much of last night fighting with mice, and was defeated: six of them and now another hole in the new screen, all to waste… Su fixed the holes this morning and this afternoon squirrels went at them and made them only bigger! Lesson: I have to buy a stronger mesh-screen! And these days I am saturated with the preoccupation with money; everything in this life, nearly every single movement, translates in cash-flow… Here money is always short, or too slow to come, dragging things on and making it all complicated and causing more waste which snow-balls into more needs and necessities, and it is