journal d'une transition

789

condition. But it is this strange alchemy between vibrations, vibrations as chemical elements, and also perhaps internal modes of functioning, that does it… But how? I want to find that out…!

*14-4-1988, Auroville: I guess I have gone a little deeper in that part of the “forest” – as Satprem calls it – wherein happen all the body-sensations: of discomfort, harmony or disorder, or various aches and alarms, and constant adjustments and adaptations, in a sort of perpetually precarious balance… I have been “there” for years already, but now it is as if nothing much else happened, and it is also taking another dimension as a sort of struggle unfolds between the habit of ageing, and the spontaneous, conscious need in the body to keep growing and developing and learning about harmony and how it is to manifest… … Last night, at the moment of sliding into sleep, very late, that breathing trouble recurred; I suddenly realised that my body was cold and covered with a sort of immobile shiver, almost like goose-bumps, and the normal breathing had ceased; instead, this other, internal breathing, almost still, was going on, that kind of breathing that occurs during cataleptic states… I don’t know what this stands for… *16-4-1988, Auroville: After the morning work I cycled back to Vijay’s, to select some natural pearls and to talk with him of the possibilities to work with all the materials he has collected and gathered and try something creative with it, which he does not have the time to do; it seemed that he’d be happy if I would take this up… But I would have to finish “Ravena” first… … I am reading “The Native Son”, by Richard Wright, a difficult, but truthful book…

*19-4-1988, Auroville: F told me today of a whole series of meetings during the past week, about Auroville’s future as a legal body, and various Governmental moves… I knew nothing of it!

*20-4-1988, Auroville: I am now reading this beautiful book by Alice Walker, “The Colour Purple”…

*21-4-1988, Auroville: Early this morning Krishna came in, offered perfume to Su and asked me to come over and see him… He is feeling lonely, rotten, and often panicky…; and that his life in Auroville has become meaningless; he worries about his kidneys; his passport is expiring and there’s no Moroccan Embassy in India any more; he want to leave, to go away… But this, I know, can’t be the answer to his needs… And I see how I myself need an atmosphere around me that isn’t influenced by people’s emotions and reactions, however dear and close they may be… He seemed to feel better after we’d talked, quietly… … Later in the day I also went and visited with Kenneth, who had been waiting for it; he too is finding his solitude hard to bear…