journal d'une transition

779

*30-1-1988, Auroville: Ar.’s plan to build a new house isn’t working out, as F isn’t willing to give her enough money for it. And she’s been considering not having to leave, if she can find her way here and if I remain open enough…

*31-1-1988, Auroville: I find that I have somehow dropped back into a condition that is open to ordinary formations, after a period of rather sustained orientation… I feel sorry for these lapses, for the poverty that allows it to happen; but I also understand that it isn’t personal, in the sense that I must acknowledge, beyond ego, the materials of the work – the particular arrangement of elements, states, vibrations, mechanisms and sub-consciousnesses that together constitute what “I” am… Living examples are supremely useful for the sake of one’s progress, as magnets to the way ahead and concrete proofs of its possibility… But whenever one gets into that silly act of comparing, these examples are soon misused and may even become detrimental to the very progress one has to make… *3-2-1988, Auroville: C has written that my grand-father seems to be leaving his body; I had felt that he would hold on, had my coming there been confirmed, until we could meet. But as it is not happening, he may have found that it is now time… I have tried to concentrate for him… You know. *5-2-1988, Auroville: Your A is flowing all the time, and a peaceful gratitude is there, answering… I love You. Nothing is really at its place, but that is so for the whole world, and where it is all going is the Supreme’s outlook, isn’t it…? … I am happy because throughout this day You have given me a peaceful and receptive energy, just like an island of perceptive calm and A in the midst of chaos… And the weather itself is so gorgeous… Yet other things also came in; there was a great sudden sadness, a sorrow welling up when, from inside a shop in town, I watched an elephant beggar: the elephant stand before the shop and the owner goes out with money it takes it in its trump and then blesses the man by touching the top of his head, all the while its two ancient eyes, non-human eyes, gazing… I couldn’t explain, it all felt like… such a betrayal, as if seeing all the way down time, to this present moment of mechanised human multitude, loud and ugly, and this single beast surviving… *8-2-1988, Auroville: More than ever, perhaps due to this perfect weather, I experience gratitude for the material harmony You give me constantly, the peace and the protection… At times it is like a contented child nuzzling in trusted arms, and looking out at the world from that perfect security of beauty and rhythm… … Larry came to see me at “Ravena”; he was in a weird state, stunned, or perhaps more accurately, “stoned”, and it wasn’t easy to cope with his presence, gentle though it was, or seemed to be; he wanted to get more involved; he copied, laboriously, all my accounts; and I am told that, after I had left, late morning, he