journal d'une transition

778

more of the same. I think it is now imperative for her to take her distance and re- set her priorities…

*25-1-1988, Auroville: Larry came at “Ravena”. We had a two-hour session. He came with good-will; obviously he had gone through some process of sorting out and adjustment in the past week, and his meeting Yaap, Ed and others here had eased his tensions sufficiently so he could at last come and meet me. He described honestly the anger he’d felt at me – as he saw my insistence in requesting Janaka’s family to help complete “Ravena” as jeopardising their agreement to take care of Auralice’s education in the US, antagonising them further towards anything that had to do with Auroville… But he seemed to accept my own understanding of the whole issue. He also told me in some detail of what he had experienced there, with jobs, with people, and how he got those funds for “Ravena”, towards its usage for seminars and Students’ Programmes… And so it appears that we may be able to finish the work and that he and I may work it out together as it goes… It is a relief, but I also feel a little sad, opening the place up to rather mixed energies, so far below what it was meant to shelter… But what can I do? At least I am given the chance to complete it, and in a few months time I can pull out… *27-1-1988, Auroville: Ar. seems to have decided to move out of “Sincerity”, as she doesn’t feel capable of taking the necessary distance to me without the help of a change of circumstances. But she is asking my support, so that we can keep “what is beautiful and true between us”… There is calm and the perspective of a new progress in her, so it is quite alright… … I received 3 letters from C at once: she went through a period of confusion and inner conflict, but now it seems settled, and practically she has decided that she will only come in August, and R a little later, instead of rushing it to come this March; she says that, yes, it will be long, but she won’t be sad and she doesn’t want me to come anymore, as she now knows that, should the need arise, I’d be ready to… So it is now clear that I am not going! And honestly, part of me is disappointed now, that was looking forward to this break and meet people and life and the world from another angle, just for a time… But You know what is best and if, in spite of my difficulties in Auroville, You see it is best for me to stay, I am quite happy! … Sometimes I want to cry, because I am not yet one…! *28-1-1988, Auroville: I am making plans for Ar.’s new house! She has met F and L who would be willing, in exchange for her present house, to provide her with the money to build her own house in “Transformation”… I like, always, to conceive houses, to the last detail, and to materialise them… … This evening Su and Helen brought home, in their taxi, the famous fridge I have finally decided to purchase…