journal d'une transition

775

- 1988 -

*1-1-1988, Auroville: Before dawn I had tea with Su at her house. Then we walked over to the amphitheatre and sat watching the Fire: tall and full yellow flames sparkling and waving; all was quiet, although Su was restless within, at first. When the fire slowed and the daylight gently spread I left alone and went to pick roses at the Camp garden, and brought them to Krishna at his house; it woke him up; he was happy, and so was I. We sat quietly for over an hour; when there is peace and trust, what is between us is what I truly want, and it belongs to You… *2-1-1988, Auroville: I can see that there might be a more positive attitude, from which I’d take it as a work to be with such or such person and to offer whatever takes place between us; but there’s a terrible lack of interest: it is like seeing the old worn-out ropes behind the scene; to speak is to make noise, and to look at one another is to be caught in the very falsity of a matter that does not respond… *3-1-1988, Auroville: At some important level I remain unable to break through the sorrow of being separated from Auragni, and from that relationship; as if there’s no other relationship that can ever make up for its loss, for it is the one that could have opened the world for me – to watch and discover it all from her eyes as well, in the security of our bond…

*4-1-1988, Auroville: The light these days is so pure and clean and radiant and lovely; the air is crisp; every leaf and blade of grass is vivid and joyful and calm… the magic time of the year…!

*6-1-1988, Auroville: I met F on the road and we had a long talk about the problem he is facing in Auroville, now; it seems that some of what is called “the French group” (P.M among them) have accused him of dealing with drugs and informed the Administrators on him, who are now refusing to guarantee his visa, even though they admit to having no proof whatsoever… Generally the stories go on, and the grooves must be pretty worn out, but no one seems to mind repeating the circles…