journal d'une transition

756

*3-10-1987, Auroville: In a street in Pondy this evening I met Roger A a moment, and the contact was simple and direct – he was alone! When he is by himself, it is always so much better: social environments – and sycophantism – are so damaging to such people…

*4-10-1987, Auroville: I was doing some pruning work in the garden, and thinking to shift to the laundry soon, when J.P groped his way in ; he sat near me while I finished clearing that large bougainvillea; he is experiencing a lot on his own, and feels a strong need or urge to communicate, and it is deep and real… *5-10-1987, Auroville: I have received a second letter from Claire, J.Y’s wife: a very bitter, aggressive and ugly tirade; it serves me right, for having tried to reach her in response to her first letter… … I went to the Court again; we met the lawyer, who said he’d file his second petition for bail tomorrow; I don’t know what to expect anymore… I was tired after that… Later, in the street, I met once more this very gentle Italian man, P; he is a very sweet and quiet homosexual, with a lot of presence and dignity, about 48 years old; there is an affectionate sort of bond between us, and I felt this time that a closer relationship with him might be just what I need at present, but… I will not force it in any way… It scared me! If this is the unity You want, and these are the means You give to achieve it… then, perhaps they were right in calling me “asuric”…! I want none of it! But they’re happy, and supportive of one another, all agog at Roger A’s odd charisma… And I can’t judge him; I like him too! But this was just a display of what human consciousness can do as a matter of positive distortion of a captured truth… There was nothing one could say; they were all set on being “as one” and no one attended who might have brought another perspective; so that, to dare suggest another approach would automatically be seen and felt as opposing the truth of unity, the growth of Auroville, and Your own Choice, all in one go! A little too much for any single individual! What will it amount to? I pray to Matrimandir’s sovereignty! You have stated that it was directly under the influence of the Supreme, Mother: that is the only security! *6-10-1987, Auroville: I attended the meeting at Matrimandir this afternoon… O Lord, O Mother !

*7-10-1987, Auroville: I do not understand the real position.

It has occurred to me that, with their present model for the cover of the sphere, they will not touch what has already been built, but only lay their ornaments over it; so that the very body of Matrimandir will remain, and all the possibilities of further, different manifestations will stay open. And so, if it comes to that, let them play with it: as long as the Chamber is safe, and essentially as long as You want to use it and work with it or through it, it is alright…