journal d'une transition

731

*17-6-1987, Auroville: J.P has a fractured skull, but I am told he is conscious again, and talking… I haven’t yet gone to see him.

*19-6-1987, Auroville: I went to see J.P in the hospital. As I stood there next to him for about an hour and talked to him, he began to realise what had happened and why he was now lying there; he remembers nothing as yet of the accident itself. His face is swollen up and his eyes and eyelids are hugely tumefied, his torn ear has been stitched; he cannot swallow anything and feels dazed and cannot see – it is all dark to him, but he could sort of perceive my hand as I moved it in front of his eyes, and reach for it… … I went to a restaurant to have fish and cold beer; L came in and joined me. I like the contact with her: she is still free from the conditioning of Auroville’s affairs, and there is somehow a flow between us that has different colours and depths…

*20-6-1987, Auroville: I worked at the Kitchen most of the morning; but without J.P, and with the new “management” of A and Dhanapal, and with Dadu announcing his “retirement” (this sweet old-child-man is a barometer!) it was all a little tedious…

*22-6-1987, Auroville: The last X Rays taken of J.P showed another fracture at the back of his skull, which had somehow pressed on the optical nerves ends causing his near-complete blindness… And N… He fell down last night, in another bout, he says, of intestinal crisis, and went unconscious in a bush of thorns by the roadside, and got himself all scratched up and sore – and desperate! He still refuses to go back to Debu for more treatment; he is still so proud and so tight… One can only try to help when help is wanted! I feel bad, though, and useless! … G.M has written again: he has seen C several times, and it now seems that he’s taken a work-contract in Abu Dhabi for a couple of months… *23-6-1987, Auroville: When I went to visit J.P this morning I was met by an unexpected barrage of hostility from a German fellow named Kl who was there on duty along with a girl, also German; J.P himself had relapsed into a semi-conscious state, was very dehydrated and yet was unable to absorb anything orally and was left uncared for medically but jealously surrounded by these two people; it was impossible to get a clear statement from Kl, who had seen the Doctor earlier. I had to soon leave because this tussle couldn’t be any good for J.P. I tried to return later, on my way back from Pondy, but the guy was still there… Back in Auroville I went to see Eric who I thought was more or less in-charge of coordinating the duties and care for J.P, but I found that neither he nor anyone else here knew anything or had any idea what had to be done and that no one was in direct contact with the Doctors… So I tried to convince him and Edgar to move and meet the Doctor and find out what the position was… This was all very vague and discouraging; I had kept away from doing any regular shifts because, so soon after my illness, I didn’t feel ready at all