journal d'une transition

573

occult and veil. And this must be done at every step, for every movement and every activity, before there can be any question of changing them…! And as long as we remain dependent on them, even for a very small part, we remain bound in our substance to processes that necessitate death, for death is their pole and their balance… So, in this way, death is also the guardian of material Truth realised!!! It is there to see that nothing that has not become absolutely Thine, pure in Thy Force, can be set free in Matter… Thus one sees with great clarity how at the same time one needs more duration in life, in the body, in order to learn to let that shift operate, and yet the more one is prey to the necessity of death for all that is not fully transformed… … Krishna came this afternoon, wanting me to listen to the tape of the music he had composed for today: a cry for Sri Aurobindo from a lost spaceship filled with humans…! … This thing, this brief experience with Ilangu, hangs about me, with equal amounts of attraction and repulsion… I do not wish to fool myself and simply take it as “God-sent”… It would rather be that You let me now and then reap the results of my active desiring…! I do belong to Thee, yes; but it is obvious that I still retain “I ness” and still affirm “my” needs… And if I ever make the “right” choices, it may not be for the truest of reasons…! *19-8-1985, Auroville: Today I had to acknowledge simply that I miss Auragni, and that I feel her inwardly calling me, in some way… F has been told that she is not happy and also that Diane is considering going back to Australia… … This afternoon David N, visiting us at the site, told me he’d just been witness to a heavy scene about me, at “Pour Tous”, between Jean and Ramesh, Jean forbidding Ramesh to ever let me have a basket again, and Ramesh reminding him of the general meeting’ decision; and it seems that Ramesh quit his job… … I have decided to write to Satprem; nothing personal, but about Auroville… *20-8-1985, Auroville: Une longue communication de Satprem à Auroville est mise à la disposition de tous aujourd’hui, une copie chez Piero et Gl, et une autre copie à « Fraternité » ; il s’agit en fait d’un entretien de Satprem avec Sujata, enregistré et transcrit par Sujata, à propos de la situation présente d’Auroville, et des suites et effets de la lettre de Luc où, depuis sa position de secrétaire et d’intime de Satprem, il déclarait qu’Auroville était « finie » ; et c’est ainsi qu’un certain nombre d’Auroviliens ont récemment décidé de quitter Auroville, qui serait passée au service du mensonge, etc. Je suis allé lire ces 8 pages dactylographiées ce soir : un langage très simple ; c’est l’individu, c’est chacun qui doit trouver au-dedans le pouvoir et la capacité de marcher, et de vraiment progresser, et c’est seulement ainsi que les forces vives de l’avenir seront tirées, sollicitées, déclenchées, et se multiplieront… Satprem, avec ces mots, rétablit une perspective, gentiment mais fermement, et rappelle à chacun *16-8-1985, Auroville: Plodding on… I feel acutely the need of a physical renewal, as in those periodic cleansing rituals ancient societies used to practice…