journal d'une transition

560

*17-5-1985, Auroville: J’avais demandé à Seven, en tant qu’ingénieur de formation, de m’aider à calculer les renforcements des barres d’acier pour la structure des dalles de la maison de D.M, après que Piero m’ait refusé son aide. Mais maintenant c’est l’ego d’architecte de Seven qui vient en avant ; il est mécontent que D.M ne lui demande pas de « concevoir » sa maison, et que je fasse tous les plans sur la seule base des dessins et descriptions de D.M ; mais on est tout de même parvenus à en rire ensemble, et il est reparti plus heureux, et prêt à ne faire avec moi qu’un travail d’exécutant… … Je suis seul, je crois, dans cette Auroville, à chercher le moyen de retrouver ma fille… *18-5-1985, Auroville: I have asked Ar. to be left alone, these days, until I am out of this ordeal, for, in the presence of anyone who is intimate with me, I cannot help asking for some kind of support and participation, even inwardly; but I only get the impression of an added mixture, of more drama, without any clear “yes”; and the I begin to resent it, which is plain stupid…! So, better leave me alone! … I now think the only path that is left to me is perhaps to write an “open letter to all”, asking for a fair appraisal… *19-5-1985, Auroville: Today, after the clean-up of the house – it is Sunday – I sat at the typewriter to write a shortened version of my “open call”, in which I point to the ill effects of exclusivism, and ask people to understand and to help break this vicious circle and save Auragni from this misery… I know that no one ever did such a thing in Auroville as this “open ca ll” but, at this point, not to do anything would mean, to me, that I am a coward; I also say that I am willing to answer any question, in any forum that may be elected… *20-5-1985, Auroville: I went down to Pondy to pick up Anurakta’s answers for the water-source, and to have photocopies made of my open statement; I felt also that I might as well try to put a more personal question to Anurakta, who quietly claims to be in some sort of safe contact with Your Presence (he works with a gold pendulum in the way You have taught him); I chose a formulation that had the best chances, I thought, to indicate whether the answer would be coming truly from You; I asked: “What are the options before me today?”… Anurakta had prepared all the other practical answers, about the erection of D.M’s house, the best date to begin work – he wrote the 9 th of July -, and about the drilling of a bore-well… When I had the Xeroxes ready, I felt I wanted to try one last time to communicate with Diane, before going ahead with this; I wrote to her, then, requesting her to reconsider the situation, and warning her that I was thinking of issuing a public statement… I mailed it at once.