journal d'une transition

553

*26-3-1985, Auroville : Je me traîne, je me pousse et me force à m’intéresser au travail, à porter des fleurs à Barbara pour sa fête… … Finalement il m’a semblé que je pouvais écrire une lettre un peu forte au Conseil Exécutif, leur demandant que cessent ces actions contre mes amis, et que l’on modère un peu ces élans de zèle fanatique… J’ai montré cette lettre, que j’ai tapée à la machine, à M, G.M et Ar., qui l’ont aimée. *27-3-1985, Auroville : Beaucoup du temps de sommeil se passe à propos de conduites, de comportements – « behaviours » - dans et de la Matière, allant vers la concrétisation, ou vers la subtilisation, en différents degrés, avec toutes sortes d’exemples et de situations ; mais ça ne se transmet pas dans les termes de notre réalité physique, tout au moins celle que nos sens physiques nous traduisent, nous interprètent… … J’éprouve tout à la fois de la gratitude, une sorte d’abandon confiant, et une fatigue qui dure, qui dure, une lassitude hors de contrôle… … Cet après-midi M est arrivée seule ici, en catastrophe, au bord de la crise de nerfs, à cause de ses difficultés avec G.M ; je lui ai tenue compagnie, puis Ar. nous a rejoints ; plus tard G.M est venu : c’est toute la question de leur couple, de leur possibilité ensemble… “ This is a call, an urgent request to consider that particular ‘topic’ that bears my name. And this is in a language which, although I myself find it rather unreal and often ridiculous, seems to be the only available language commonly understood, in the context of the present collective experience of Auroville, short of a poor drama in which I refuse to participate. The problem is, as some of you may well know it, that, to put it briefly, I am held to be, by a section or a number of other actual members of Auroville, either an “asura” or an instrument of an “asuric force”. I had a few tears ago my own (bad) experience of the politics in Auroville; it was a cause of intense pain for me as well as for a few others, and bore heavy consequences on my own life – one of which being that I was brutally separated from my own child and that to this day I am prevented even to see her. Now this, and a number of other factors, may still be seen as the complex expression of “my own problem”, or of the impossibility that lies in my path – in the path of my own transformation -, as we all know there is such an impossibility lying in each person’ path. But there is a point beyond which I cannot, or may not, sit back in my corner; and that is when, in an almost systematic yet unclear and un-frank fashion, whoever else happens to be friends with me meets in Auroville, from the part of the same people, a heavy and arbitrary condemnation, refusal or, in the best cases, a coolness very close to dismissal. I will cite two recent examples: the first occurred a few months ago, in the Paris Centre for Auroville, where someone who has been my friend for nearly fifteen years, making ready to join at last Auroville with his family of four, in a rather admirable movement of trust in what Auroville stands for, was at the last moment *Letter to the Executive Council of Auroville Trust – chosen tool, platform, spokesman or instrument of the present community of Auroville: