journal d'une transition

379

*28-4-1981, Auroville: Diane has slept here last night, and when Myrtle comes, early this morning, to see me and get the news from Delhi, I have a moment of chaotic feeling…! But somehow the two of them make it simple, and we soon are sitting companionably, happily enough… Yet I do not ignore that the very way I share and work and live with Diane now, is the way Myrtle had wanted us to be together, with all her love and strength and will… And then, Krishna comes…! He brings me a bunch of passports for the people in “Utility” so as to get their visas regularised; he is sweet and calm, almost as if nothing had ever interfered… *29-4-1981, Auroville: This morning, G.M, Diane and I drive over to “Utility” to meet Krishna there and, with him, everybody who stays there as well as the workers… This is a situation we have inherited from Mali and his separate ways, and it is very delicate, and Krishna is there with the “mission” to bring it all into Auroville… We meet with Nerguez and Amparo, and with the workers; and we meet the group of foreigners and explain to them the basic guidelines of Auroville… *30-4-1981, Auroville: Everyone is late for our Coop meeting here this morning. There is tension because of the problem with Fred. I decide to jump in and I tell him clearly and quietly what I think and feel about his ways of working and his disregard for relatedness; and then each of us in turn tells him more or less the same, and he has to take it and work with it… There is hardly any time left for our current matters, and each has to go to their tasks… … Diane and I have to work with Nigam and Ojha till very late, and it is rather exhausting; we decide to stay the night at Krishna’s house, and barely sleep: we laugh and talk and keep quiet and laugh more and we meet, comfortable with each other, at ease… *2-5-1981, Auroville: It is 6 am and I am lazing in bed, when I hear calls… Nigam, Ojha and Ojha’s wife have come walking to visit with me… and, I suspect, for Ojha to check more closely on my “private” life – as he’d seen me driving away from “Certitude” the day before at dawn… … Fred is more precise and cooperative at our meeting today; but with him and Charlie participating nowadays, there is less of that spontaneous joyfulness we had become used to share in our work… … Pnina comes to have coffee with us, and it seems to be alright; but, afterwards, Diane acts weird and resentful and it carries over in our team-work, with her opposing me… It takes the rest of the day till late into the night for us to wade through it and find our way, and our meeting is all the more intense for it… And, right after that, in a flash of recognition, I see for the first time her inner being, complete and whole, with this smile on her face, of trust, so… forward…!