journal d'une transition

367

The funny thing is that this “idea” didn’t originate from me at all; I was actually slow and reluctant to pick up on the energy the others were sharing… Arjun now feels like resigning, and I am thinking we perhaps should resign as a team; but on the other hand, it is a ridiculously dramatic step when there is so much work to be done and a good collaboration is most needed among us all… *5-3-1981, Auroville: Lots of work, but… Diane is stunned: she too is being told that she is now “under my influence”, and M.D and Nicole are saying all around that I am an “asuric” force influencing the Coop… In the general meeting, petit Pas openly attacked me; but Diane spoke with much simplicity of what has been our experience as a team so far, and that has helped to clear the atmosphere a little. Thereafter, support for the Coop was reaffirmed and strengthened… Towards the end I asked that if I must resign I ought to be told clearly; but no one spoke to that effect; rather, the whole meeting told me to continue and expressed its confidence… Bhaga was asked to join our team… After the meeting, the “Aspiration” people came to assure me of their trust… I was feeling quite strange about it all, because in a way I am aware that there is some… what?... power?... force?... in me, which can be called names, and even feared, but only due to the smallness in people or to their dishonesty… Arjun has been so beautiful, so healthy, and so full of laughter and genuine sharing… He took me right out of it! *6-3-1981, Auroville: This evening Diane is again of two minds, whether to stay or to go home to her family… And I can’t help much! I feel more like a mirror to her; I am available to her, but I do not “want” her exclusively in the way she’d probably wish, that would make her feel more secure… I cherish our relationship: it is a creative one. But I also feel guilty, seeing that the difficulty there is about me is bouncing back on her and makes it all the harder for her… *7-3-1981, Auroville: Diane has come to fetch me. The 4 of us – Cl.A, Arjun, Diane and I – have to go to Cuddalore to meet with the SP of Police, and also with the Civil Supplies man. We drive there on two bikes, after seeing Ojha. At last the instructions have come for the withdrawal of all our cases; the SP is very friendly, everything goes well and we make a good team; it has a happy and positive feeling… … Noh and Alex are leaving this week to Israel; they come to ask me about their visas… *10-3-1981, Auroville: The Governor’s visit; preparing the list of those we – the Coop – recommend for visas; Fred has returned and gives us a full report, with P.M’s help; Myrtle announces her resignation…; we learn also that our papers to the IAC have been entirely re-written by Savitra in Delhi and hardly anything of our practical proposals is left in; there is a pack of formations behind this, obviously, with “The Work” and its chosen, Nicole, M.D and Kireet, and the secrecy, and the battle for the world,