journal d'une transition

337

others in Auroville and pretending to know and see better and to have thereby the right to impose my will, when in fact I am not even supposed to be here at all…! … I must have no fear, but no self-pity and complacency either…!

*7-8-1980, Auroville: Just upon waking, I “see” Krishna, and he is “my” Krishna again, open and given and real… … At the general meeting Dennis reads out an ‘open letter to India” that Bhaga gas drafted; there are some excesses in it, but it has depth and it is straightforward… At first I was reluctant, as with anything that may resemble propaganda, since the plan is to distribute it during the annual conference of the SAS; but I also do feel that it is important to support positively whatever we can agree to do together. … This evening Jacq, alone on her bike, stopped SSJ on the road and told him not to enter the Matrimandir area… He gave her a pat on the chin! *8-8-1980, Auroville: This morning P.G and PP have been forcibly arrested. Let it be Thy Way! Whatever it is, let it be Thy Way… I can’t relate well to any of this… … We split into “action teams”: 2 to Tindivanam, 2 to Cuddalore, 2 making ready for Madras, 1 to call Delhi… … Rs 2,000/- is required, along with a certificate of No-Objection by the Inspector Thomas, who must be in the SAS’ pay: he doesn’t want to sign it… … This evening a few of us stop SSJ on the road again; but this time he has brought 3 people along, Gab, Jyotiprem and Igor… fanatic idiots…! Sorry, Mother! *9-8-1980, Auroville: Sincerity is such a vast thing. The terms in which we form our awareness aren’t the right ones yet…! … We are surrounded with lies and cheats and tricks and deceit – at best, indifference… … I am learning to stand by what the Lord IS in me…

*10-8-1980, Auroville: P.G and PP are released at 3 pm. We ride back in two taxis.

I had been hoping everybody would be gathered at Matrimandir, for You, for Auroville… We reach at 5 pm. It is crowded and confused and there is only talk and talk and more talk… Perhaps things are telling me to withdraw…

*11-8-1980, Auroville: In Delhi this morning Diane, Radhika, C.A and Savitra have met with Indira. She has told them: “Yes we are trying, but they (the SAS) have a strong group, they have tentacles everywhere…!”

*12-8-1980, Auroville: