journal d'une transition

315

*19-5-1980, Auroville: It is early morning; I am watching the kittens play on the sunlit floor. P.E comes and has coffee with me; soon his team of masons ride in; together we organise the day’ work. Then G.M arrives and I soon leave with him to Matrimandir. … P tells me there was a heavy scene last night – I did not hear a thing! – with Tess, who apparently consumes a lot of marijuana, freaking at Gillian and beating her till she bled and then dragging her to Pala’s and beating up Pala as well; Dennis had woken up at the shouting and gone over and managed to calm them all down nut had to stay with them till dawn… And this is all connected to big J and her boys who are known thieves – and a host of unpleasant matters beside… But this is a situation that definitely requires attention and care… … M.D has requested that a group of us gather at the office this afternoon. There are Diane, Hervé, Christiane, Fred and Prem, and Arjun and Deepti, and C.A, Marc A, Tapas, and D.W… M.D wants to share his observations, what he has seen and learnt in Delhi, what he feels about the situation, and to suggest that some of us should make ready to go to Delhi and meet directly with Indira… Fred speaks of the need for us all to clarify and strengthen our commitment to the work of Auroville, regardless of circumstances and current “battles”; he speaks of a pledge we ought to make, the formulation of it must be found… … This is a scorching day; only some of the masons are willing to stay on into the night to complete this second coating… G.M and I spend much of the day on the road, between here, Pondy and Cuddalore, for his papers; we join Diane at the FRO for a moment; Shruti has also come with her, she sits with me by the sea… … The cementing of C’s roof is going on… 17 men in all are working on it; P.E has had to send for cement wherever he still had any stock, in a hurry – no news of Murthy; I enquired in several shops and could find no trace of him… … I am doing the accounts. Someone knocks at the door. It is Krishna… I am ready to be happy, but I am not sure what motivates him… He tells me that he wants “all his things back” and his tapes: “we are at war”, he says…! At once I say that I am not; it is up to him, it is his formation… He faces me and, suddenly, with all his force, he slaps me! Oddly, I do not fall, only waver a bit, and I call his name, dumbly. We stand in front of each other. He stares. I feel calm, without resentment; there is like a flow of tenderness pressing somewhere… But instead of opening to it, he tells me, harshly, that it is the “negro” I am looking at… He leaves. I must learn from this, as he must… I must see how I have been made into a weapon against him and somehow, in spite of me and unaware, been identified with a force that disturbed him so much that he could only resort to violence… *20-5-1980, Auroville: Today is even hotter: the air is of a furnace.

*21-5-1980, Auroville: The masons finished at 3.30 am. I am tired. But I know I’ll draw energy through the work…