journal d'une transition

313

it… He has spent the entire afternoon making a new bracelet for my watch: we finish it together… The wind has shifted; the air itself is burning hot…!

*6-5-1980, Auroville: Today is C’s birthday and Cristo and P.E’s team have at last come to do the first cementing of the roof of her house. It was not planned this way – I had intended to do it much earlier, but Cristo kept postponing and delaying it – and now it is a sweet coincidence…! This evening I want to be away for a while from the confusion and noise of so many people at work, and I go over to “Dana”; Marcia and G.M make the dinner… Compared to “Sincerity”, “Dana” has that character of wilderness, a freedom and a force, while “Sincerity” is already more urban, more charged with vibrations… *7-5-1980, Auroville: My connection to sexuality is still so strong. You have explained that it is only when one has come to feel and sense it as far too gross and too crude, when one’s nature has come to feel it that way, that it can fall off and one can be altogether free of it and be ready to turn to what is to come next… Obviously this is not yet the case with my nature…! *9-5-1980, Auroville: Angad comes to call us at work. The SAS people have been stealing the jack-fruit from the trees at Kottakarai… We don’t find it funny anymore! So, we opt for going to the source! After all, it is Indra, from his station at Bharat Nivas, who send these men all over, hires them for the purpose… We all ride over to Bharat Nivas, but we find only Ramaswamy and that fat oyster Sampura, and Govind the ostrich… We try Indra’s house at “Promesse”, but he has been warned off… We end up leaving a humorous note pinned to his door, in the fashion of capes and daggers novels, signed “the Auroville Guard”…! We know, though, that it will fit exactly into their image of us, but we feel free of it – almost, in a way, unconcerned! *11-5-1980, Auroville: It is Sunday. Tan, the Malay guy, comes to me: yesterday night he has been thrown out of the Kitchen by Noh, Pas and P.G. I didn’t know it. There is something candid and straight about him, though, that I like, and when he is with me he seems to regain his balance; yet I can do little at this point… He tells me shocking news: it seems that, last month, Amal Kiran’s wife Sehra hanged herself, in the Ashram… … I learn that, a few nights ago, P.E – who has also got, it seems, a Quit Notice – woke up suddenly in the middle of the night with the imperious urge to jump through the window of his hut; and he did jump and, just a moment later, the whole hut caught fire! He has no idea what happened!

*13-5-1980, Auroville: When Diane and I reach the FRO office late morning, we find a friendlier atmosphere. Kireet has already informed us of Indira’s latest written instructions: