journal d'une transition

295

We catch 5 of these men and pack them up into an empty jeep that’s parked right there, waiting for the Inspector to come and “take delivery”; others go on chasing after the remaining guys who have fled, some running, some on horse-back and some riding their bikes across the fields, it is a real fiesta…! C has got a ride on Jacq’s bike! We get hold of one more of those guys and hand them all over to the police, having no illusion, though, as to what measures will be taken… We are merely making a point! There is a rather joyful energy flowing… … Walking back home with C, I start telling her what happened in 1973, what was done to You… and I begin to cry…! … I cycle over to “Dana” to bring Marcia’s mail, and also to let C.E. and V visit with C here without me… G.M is groggy… We sit quietly, the 3 of us, when J of “Two Banyans” comes in… After a while I ask him straight how he feels about some of the Coop members wanting him to resign if he does not stop taking hashish; he is a little surprised at my direct question but answers with a fair measure of honesty, I think, although he’s obviously been very hurt by the attitude of the “Aspiration” people and is till in a reaction to it… However I find that communication with him is very limited, or veiled… … I ponder what I have seen today: this part of Auroville which is like a “Farmers Association; people who, out of their own interests, reach some sort of mutual agreement or contract so that each one gets the minimum trouble while supplementing one’s life-style with a bit of collective ideal and a vague orientation towards a simpler and better earthly existence… And that seems to be it…! And here is quite a gap! Some of my illusions got shot today… I was taking certain things for granted, which are actually not real at all… With whom and how is Matrimandir to be built…? Who wants it? For its own sake, and not for… other reasons? How are we ever going to meet in an active and committed movement of building which is at the same time a receptivity for the foundations to be laid of an entirely other Being…? Is this “we” ever going to manifest, to happen…? *5-3-1980, Auroville: Back to “Tapoloka” this morning to resume the general meeting that was interrupted yesterday…; this time, I chair. I introduce the main topic as a token of our search together for a certain transparency and security… Then I am fully busy keeping the meeting together; there is no fatigue… I try to bring people who do not usually speak up to express themselves… The main trends or focuses are, once more, tantrism, the use of drugs, allegiance to or collusion with the SAS… Some agreement is obtained on a few topics and the rest is to be seen again on Saturday… *6-3-1980, Auroville: J.Cl is shaving a very hard time here. Despite his generosity and friendly humour, he doesn’t find his place… M.S is also in some difficulty: she has hepatitis and is very unsure as to whether she must stay or leave; her attachment to Cyril pulls her one way, but she is very disappointed and hurt by what she has seen here, by the behaviour of the people in “Aspiration”… Somehow, none of my old friends seems to adjust well to the situation here; there is bitterness and incomprehension… … In the night P.G wakes me up for my shift, out of an interesting dream – experience or activity, I don’t know how to call it -; it has a character of illustrated,