journal d'une transition

203

… The sky is greying, it feels like rain is trying to come our way, there is the subtle scent of it and the trees bend toward it… C is cleaning the house while I arrange the flowers, C.E smiles; my anxiety is relieved. … C has a tough time controlling her emotions and accepting the fact of her leaving again. But we have clarified that she will be back next January, in less than a year… We leave late afternoon and spend the night in a hotel in Madras; C.E and I sleep on the carpet rather than sink into these mattresses…!

*13-5-1979, Auroville: Sunday morning… As we pause for tea under the tree after our gardening work, Miriam surprises us… She walks in, quite naturally, clad in white and gold, tranquil and joyous, humorous too, and even more charming… C.E is relaxed and flows with it; she doesn’t seem to mind moments of silence, there is no tension… *14-5-1979, Auroville: I first meet Miriam at “Golconde”; there is a little hesitancy, she is a little afraid to become attached. Then I take her to Amal Kiran’s and we agree to meet later on by the sea. In the evening, waiting for her, I have a moment of fine tranquillity, like a relief; as if I was liberated, made free from bondages and new to life; even in my body I feel lighter… One could take this as a revenge of Nature but it is her sweet teaching that I find in it, not her harshness; one could take it as a test from the adversity but I experience it as a gift for me to become fuller, simpler and straighter… We talk a little, laugh a little. I drive her to her appointment with Arindam Basu and we part. I have a yearning for another occasion, with more time before us; there is something there that wants to unfold… *16-5-1979, Auroville: A few days ago we got a she-kitten from Hilde. She has now adopted us, which means she sleeps on me and, when she decides time is up, is merciless about it… This morning it was 5 am and I couldn’t quite appreciate it and was only able to jot down the last two dreams, uninteresting… The work goes well; Patricia and I perfect our new tools and are able to fine-tune the adjustment of the first beams to the millimetre… At lunch Miriam arrives and stays with us to rest awhile in the house; she falls asleep with a lotus bloom on her chest. … Narad tells me he would like us to join the two gardens – “Sincerity” and the Nursery – with a first line of trees this year… *17-5-1979, Auroville: C.E has been very tense the whole night. I am feverish with a bad cold and have to struggle to get into the rhythm of the day. Miriam understands and, when we have our food together, she is equally forward to both of us and the response is flowing; her feminity is harmonious, mastered and reposed.