journal d'une transition

194

even stronger refusal of this twisted and warped “collaboration”: something HAS to go from us, a confusion, a mixture that has to drop! R, who stayed on after I’d left, tells me later that several people had remained behind to talk further and that Joss had begun to tell SSJ that the time had come for them “to organise” themselves…!

*5-3-1979, Auroville: At work Th comes to me and asks if he can join me; I welcome him. The others seem to accept it gently, but for G.M who reacts heavily and asks me to send Th away; I refuse. Then G.M calms down and we go on working all morning. C.E and I left early to Pondy, had our lunch there at E.B’s… Returning home in the evening, P.G comes and tells me pell-mell all that has happened after I’d left…: that Piero had come with a draft of a proposal he’d prepared on his own, to the SAS, stating that he and Yus would replace Talwar and Dayabhai as the SAS agents for the construction of Matrimandir so as to unblock the funds and move ahead with the work; but Yus withdrew and sent him to talk to the others and Al.B responded bluntly and Piero got furious and jumped on him and they both got into a physical fight till G.M, P.G and Yus were able to separate them…! Somehow this incident seems to have released in the open the sort of mad ambition that is still active in Piero… P.G then tells me that he and G.M have a strong feeling to go out and fund-raise directly for Matrimandir. So I explain to him my old “idea”: to have a number of regular donors contributing monthly, while large one-time expenses, such as for the Crystal, would be funded by single donations from wealthier individuals… But to go out and ask for money is still, with our present attitude and condition, either a begging act or a terribly presumptuous and pretentious demand made on people; we’re not yet able to do it really for You, in the true spirit; we’re still, I feel, too noisy! … For the second time I was told today that F.S and Lila are planning to leave Auroville… It upsets me… *7-3-1979, Auroville: Today we have our first meeting of the “Auroville Guard”. There are 14 of us: Ar, Marc A, Al.B, P.G, R, Flore, Jacq, G.M, Gupi, Vivek, Andy, F.Gr, Phil and myself. We shall be available for whatever emergency, to control or prevent any violence and, in our function, we will stand by no opinion and no “side” and will act as a unit and a team… I went later to “Certitude” to meet Shradhavan, hoping to find her alone, to ask her to tell me straight what is happening for her and their new group. She welcomes me and talks to me openly, quietly, for an hour or so; she also listens attentively to what I have to say. She says she has understood a great deal in the last few weeks, has been liberated of a limiting attitude and of a number of prejudices. She speaks of a proposal they have, to form a group with 5 members of the SAS and 7 Aurovilians to administer Auroville: Navajata, Guru Prasad, Surendra, Karen and the Bharat Nivas engineer for the SAS; and for Auroville: herself, Joss, Cristl, Igor… and they are looking for the others and… she actually invites me in!!! Isn’t that the funny part?