journal d'une transition

168

But what I understood inwardly was that we should all by now, each and all of us be able to respond and to act according to the light and presence in our hearts, SAS or no SAS; and if we were not, that nothing could help us.

*19-9-1978, Auroville: I feel uneasy with C.E. The thing is that, as long as we believe that a division is possible and might occur some time, then it will return, again and again… It is a lack of faith, love and sincerity for, with faith, love and sincerity, one KNOWS that division does not exist! I feel unwilling or reluctant to give myself when the next moment I might be rejected. We cannot be spending days of negation waiting for the night to bring us together again; my nerves are weakening… *20-9-1978, Auroville: I was concentrating in my work, a bit worried about my nervous capacity to endure, when suddenly came Gordon calling for help: a band of men from Alankuppam had just come to break the dam that Joel G had built last year… Later, as I was preparing to go down to Pondy with Shradhalu, P.V all excited came to ask us to inform the Kottakuppam police on our way; but no officers are there when we reach and we can only leave a note. In the evening when we returned Pas told us that P.V had been beaten up by a large group of villagers – and a whole dream came back to me from the night before…! *21-9-1978, Auroville: I was working on the compost pile when two villagers, owners of several pieces of land in the area, came to tell me they wished to sell some of them; I fixed an appointment with them in the afternoon… There is a sense of a cry, behind the surface, a feeling that we are not answering, not doing what You expect us to do; it is like a knot collectively tied and the worst of it is an inertia that is used to repel the Help we need… By 3 pm the villagers came and I took them to the Matrimandir office… And there I learned that, by the end of this month, SSJ will have merged into the SAS – something I had not understood! We arrive in the middle of an intense discussion; several of us are there along with Toine, some have come from “Aspiration” to try and make him change his mind, as it seems he has chosen to go along with the SAS resolution and to hand over to them all the Account books of Matrimandir within a few days… I listened to the arguments and, in this way, got a perspective of the whole situation without asking any questions. It does not look good! I quite agree with what is expressed by B.B for instance, but I can also appreciate Toine’s faithfulness to what he believes to be the truest; it is an interesting moment, but it goes on and it becomes obvious that I won’t be able to do anything for those villagers, besides which there is no money in any case either at Matrimandir or at “Pour Tous” and we can’t even pay the electricity bills… So I send Ramalingam to verify the options and postpone the talk with the land-owners… On my way back R asks me with some force to come tonight with him and P.G to see the villagers who have beaten P.V and try to communicate directly with them; I feel happy with the simplicity of his conviction but I have no wish to participate… Back here I come upon a new scene: Krishna seems to be now staying with V and there has been some dramatic exchange with A who now needs another place to