journal d'une transition

193

This morning at work I am quite distracted. I miss Patricia, who has gone to Delhi with Arjun to meet some Government officials; I cannot find the plans, others are very late; I feel as if something heavy has happened. Then F.S and John H arrive and relate that yesterday a special meeting was called, on invitation, with Navajata and other members of the SAS, along with Talwar, at which Joss, Th, Shradhavan, Cristl, Ruud, F.S were present; that it became clear to everyone, including Talwar, that Navajata had no intention of changing his ways… They also tell us that a rich man from the North is calling a meeting today as he wishes to donate funds for Matrimandir but asks for the guarantee that it will reach Matrimandir and not go into anyone’s pockets… And to top it all there is this morning the formal visit of Roger A accompanied by Ramanathan… … At dinner John H tells us of another meeting that took place this afternoon with Navajata, Joss, the “Fidelity” group, Th, etc, at the close of which they all asked to be allowed to participate in Auroville’s birthday celebrations on the 28 th … … Cyril came home for the night – he’d come earlier, from the Tibetan centre where *26-2-1979, Auroville: As we come down from the work at noon, Piero arrives with the news that SSJ has apparently stepped back and come around to accepting our proposal that monies donated to Matrimandir be handed directly to the team working on-site against some Utilisation Certificate checked by the Chartered Accountant, which could free us from the clutch of the SAS and allow for the work to pick up momentum… *3-3-1979, Auroville: The atmosphere at work is weird. I become alert and attentive: there is whispering and hiding. Bit by bit I am able to piece it together and to get red P to say openly what has been going on and we finally learn that a meeting has been called for this afternoon at 5 at the Nursery, at first secretly, then more loosely, of all those of “good-will” who feel frustrated with the situation… I caught D.S trying to lure Narayana in without my knowing…! Both P.G and I feel that we should attend as well! Within me I pray “Let the true Force sort out what is real and what is not…!” But I am also aware of an impossibility: the Truth cannot reign, the Reality cannot be manifested, at this point, simply because… the sorting out would tear each of us apart…! … This afternoon, as I’m writing to You, concentrating a little, Th comes: he has come to tell me all about this gathering, which he himself has organised and called for – his wording is “to all those who believe in an unconditional collaboration”. Even though I am glad that he has come and I feel that I shall indeed attend, I also see that he somehow keeps avoiding the issue and ignoring his own contradiction… … I walk down there quietly; SSJ is there, openly kind to me, there are about 30 people, all those who have despised every collective effort and process, from the perspective of their “spiritual aspiration”… Only R is with me; we keep silent; P.G comes only briefly. Th plays a tape of Sunil’s music for Your message “Blessed are those who take a leap towards the future”. I remain attentive not to get caught and return with flowers I pick on the way, feeling like laughter at this whole entire story… And then what comes up in me is an he now mostly stays, to read M.S’s letter addressed to both of us. With P.G and C.E’s help I prepare a statement for tomorrow…