journal d'une transition

188

had named Cleïm and Sémion, and of their bond and experience; and that it had been actually our story… (I have destroyed most of these early writings during my last “exile”).

*18-1-1979, Auroville: I dreamt again, with longing and yearning, with the anguish that perhaps it cannot be fulfilled, of having a child, that little girl whose soul I see and feel, her peculiar silence and freedom, her force, her cool and yet almost violent love… I called her “Shore”… But I don’t seem to know the woman who could bear that child… *19-1-1979, Auroville: Trouver le Seigneur dans ce qui Lui résiste comme dans ce qui Lui est identifié, qu’il n’y ait enfin plus que le Seigneur et la joie d’exister… … When we return up into the Chamber after the tea-break, we find the other team – Th, D.S, J and others – already at work dismantling the last level of the scaffold and I see at once that the way they go about it is unsafe. I try, with Gl’s help, to suggest a better way, but I do not have enough confidence and I don’t insist. I sit by the central opening and watch quietly with Gl. A while later John H comes to me and asks whether I would start the larger section and do it the way I feel it should be done. I accept and Sj, Arjun and others join; it goes smoothly and it is calm on our side and we are nearly finished, when the other team starts again at one end taking down the main lines – and the entire scaffold starts leaning… I ask them to either wait or to secure the junction points with diagonals… We continue a while longer. Just as we are putting the pipes away, Gl calls; I look up: the whole part of the scaffold that is still upright, more than half of the full circle of the Chamber, has begun to fall…!I step back; some of us are still under; I focus my gaze on Arjun and Sj with a prayer… It all falls in one piece to the right, there is a great noise, one great sound fills up the Chamber and everyone stands up, amazed: no one is hurt, no pipe is bent, nothing! The act of protection is so clear, so vivid and so absolutely harmonious… We’re all overwhelmed and uplifted, it is a very pure moment; we’re like children, we laugh, grateful, feeling at once comforted and silly and stunned… Then we put everything away neatly and we all just sit there, each one where they are, and become silent… It is very strong and very sweet in the Chamber, suddenly emptied by such an act – and in us the need, the need of You, the need of Consciousness… *20-1-1979, Auroville: C.E’s birthday… I managed to leave without telling him, borrowed M.T’s bike and drove to Pondy. At the Samadhi I prated for the progress of his soul and that I shouldn’t be an obstacle to it…! Then I went into the town to find gifts for him. I like making gifts; if I could I would be making gifts to everyone all the time… I found a small symbol and a small photograph of You, an agate ring, a wooden holder for his biddies which he is supposed to use moderately, some perfume from the bazaar and three garlands…

*24-1-1979, Auroville: