journal d'une transition

140

*9-1-1978, Auroville: Today was my shift at “Nandanam”, from noon onwards, with F; we stayed in the garden under the trees, and only saw Satprem from a distance; I become more aware of how important it is to keep to one’s place, to respect it, and dedicate oneself to it… I learnt that Surendra had come to make trouble at “Aspiration”, to rouse the workers at the Hand-Made Paper Factory and incite them to beat Aurovilians with sticks and clubs; Gupi and another have been hurt, but the police, called by Jean P. and Serge, was witness to it… *10-1-1978, Auroville: Fr. came up on the structure to talk to me; he’d been entrusted by the “serious ones” to inform me that the decision had been taken to stop Nat. and Rad. From taking their lunches at the Kitchen, and to put all of the workers’ wages uniformly at Rs 5/-. How am I to fight this alone? I feel that people like Toine and Michael T. are spoiling something that was useful, harmonious and progressive, for the sake of that “democratic”, all-on-one-level equality – the rule of the little mind. I have to trust that the day will come, one way or another, when it will break and something more conscious and more alive will be able to breathe at last! *18-1-1978, Auroville: I’m aware there’s still something wrong in my relation to others, that element of controlling will, wanting them to fit in with my demands and to behave as I think they should, this persisting inability to accept them as they are and in their own terms without the desire to interfere but with instead more concentration in my own aspiration to realise the truth I feel… A newcomer, French, whose name is C.E. E, and whose features and presence feel very familiar to me, came to ask me whether he could build a “capsule” over here (a small single unit bamboo and palm structure raised on 3 or 4 stone posts)… Madanlal and SSJ have encountered some difficulties in the Madras Harbour to get the marble released, as the SAS had officially claimed that we aren’t entitled to import it and that Matrimandir is their property… Toine has gone there. I had been worrying over just that, for the past few weeks, to the extent that both R.O. and Patricia had to tease me about it…! I’m reading “Seth” and I have begun to love this being, to grow attached to his humour, his sweetness, his humility and precision… It has clarified to my awareness many things which I could only sense in confused terms. *20-1-1978, Auroville: I went back after lunch to attend the meeting in the Matrimandir office… After the usual show/speech by Roger A. stating his position – his conviction about the discs and the petals -, we learnt from Ajit that studies were almost completed for a light tubular structure for the sphere and earth-filled brick-covered structures for the petals… We felt rather silly to be informed of it only now by people who never even show up here and who only have an external approach to Matrimandir… I had a look at M.K’s paper on Auroville and on his project of a town in Germany called “Mirrapuri”; the vibration reminded me of old creations, a sort of spiritualised Atlantis – but not THAT!